Is There More?
by knowhere
Summary: Literati. College life is a journey of ups and downs. Are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? AU
1. Daily Gripe

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 1: Daily Gripe

Rating: Pg-13

AN:  Hope you enjoy this. Feedback is greatly appreciated. 

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago?  Literati.

            I'm sitting here in my journalism class thinking about how I should really call Mom; she had left billions of messages on my machine saying that she's lonely all by herself in her old age.  Sometimes she cracks me up, my Mom isn't lonely, she has Luke and she isn't old, she's only sixteen years older than me and I'm still a junior in college.  Oh well, I'll call her as soon as I get home.  As my professor drones on about the importance of developing a thesis my mind wanders as I begin to think about random things in my life.  My thoughts wander to my best friend, Jess Mariano; sometimes I regret that I didn't pursue a relationship that included something more than just platonic friends years ago when we were seventeen, but then at the same time I chide myself thinking about how I wouldn't have such an amazing best friend if we broke up.  Shaking out of my reverie I remind myself that I enjoy what I have with Jess and the relationship that we have that is only defined as 'best-friends.'  I like it that way and I wouldn't ever change that, I just don't know what I'd do without him being there for me.  Snapping out of it I hear the professor dismiss the class as he reminds us that our papers on the economies of third-world countries and how they effect society are due the following Friday.  Gathering up my stuff I grab my backpack and proceed to head off campus and onto the subway.

            Walking down the street towards the apartment I fish out my keys from the bottom of my backpack and I whistle aimlessly as I nod to the passing neighbors.  Climbing the stairs I briefly remember that I hate the stairs and wish that I lived on the bottom floor or at least a better place with an elevator that actually functions.  However, I remember that I don't actually have an income since I'm still a full-time student that this is not such a bad apartment building as compared to some others that I've seen while studying with various classmates.  Finally reaching the front door, I slip in the key as I hear the familiar harsh tones of The Clash bouncing off the walls.  Unlocking the door I see Jess sitting at the dining table that has been transformed into a makeshift studying area bobbing his head as he sings along to his well-worn cd.  Careful to not let him know that I've come home, I gently lay down my backpack as I try to sneak up on him.  With his back turned towards the front door, I stealthily tip-toe across the wood floor; I can already imagine him with his eyes closed as he sings along, and him jumping out of his skin as I yell in his ear.  However when I come just close enough to scare him, he suddenly says, "Hey Rory."

            Defeated I throw my hands up in surrender as I ask, "How did you know that I was home? The music is up so loud that I can barely even hear myself think."

            Grabbing the remote, Jess turns down the music and turns around with that trademark smirk in place and says, "You can't scare me Gilmore, I know all your tricks."

            Sighing I wander into the kitchen and look through the fridge and see that we don't have anything to eat.  Doing some quick calculations in my head I arrive to the conclusion that it was Jess's turn to do the grocery shopping this week and I'm becoming increasingly cranky that there isn't any food to eat.  Spinning around I bellow, "Jess!  There's no food, you were suppose to do the shopping this week, I'm gonna starve!"

            "Oh geez, stop with the drama Ror; don't worry pizza is on the way and I'm going to go out as soon as I finish my paper.  I knew I could always count on you for a world-class flip out when food is involved."  He stalks over to the kitchen as the flips on the coffee maker to try to calm me down.

            Smiling softly at him I realize how close we've become over the years; he definitely knows me better than anyone else, well, besides my mom that is.  Happily, I grab a mug out of the cabinet and fill it up with the wonderful ambrosia; I pat him on the head as I head towards my bedroom and say, "Good boy.  Your experiences at the diner did you good.  Call me when the pizza arrives."

            "Rory!  Food's here!"  His voice echoes throughout the walls and I'm sure that our neighbor, Mr. 'I'm the definition of grumpy' has also heard that food is ready.  Flinging open my door, I waltz into the room with my hamburger slippers and my sheep adorned pajama bottoms and I grab a slice as I clear a spot for us to eat.  Biting into the food that has become the staple of every college kid I'm absorbed in the wonderful taste and I begin to wolf down the rest of my pizza as I proceed to grab another.

            With amusement evident in his eyes, he warns me with his sarcastic comment, "Careful, you're going to choke.  You're acting like you've never going to eat again."

            Shooting him a look I reply haughtily, "Well since it's your turn to do the grocery shopping, I never know when I will eat again."

            "Ha ha."  

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            I can hear the shower running in the background as I impatiently wait for Mom to pick up the phone.  "Hello?  If you're calling to sell something, I'm deaf so I can't listen to you, if this is my Mother, I'm currently busy, for all other people leave a message when you hear the dial tone after I hang up."

            "Hey Mom."

            "Ahhh! My offspring, how come you haven't called to check up on your poor mother?"

            "Sorry Mom, I've just been so busy, you know with school and stuff."

            I can almost see her eyebrow raising as she asks me, "And stuff, huh?  What kinda stuff are we talking about?"

            "Mom, you're impossible sometimes."  I laugh as I settle into my bed trying to get comfortable for another phone call that will last for an hour at least.

            "Oh you know what they call me, Rory.  My middle name has pretty much become 'Kimpossible,' ha ha, do you get it Rory? Kimpossible…"

            Laughing we talk for another hour and a half about school, Luke, and other various news that is going on in both out lives.  As nine o'clock rolls around, we hang up the phone as I vowed to her that I'll call her within the next couple of days again.  Yawning I lie back on my pillows and I turn on my little thirteen-inch tv that sits in my room as Jess appears at my front door.  

            Bracing his arms on my door frame, his shirt hangs open with all the buttons still undone and his hair is still a little bit damp.  Cocking his head to one side he says, "I'm going out, I have a date.  Don't wait up for me, kiddo."

            Grabbing a pillow I throw it to him as I make a face at the nickname, "I'm not a kid, and besides you're only a couple of months older than me.  You know I hate that name, Jess."

            Grinning he confesses, "I know, why do you think I still use it after all these years?"

            Pouting I say, "Just get out of here will you?"

            As I hear the lock click on the door, I turn back to the tv and sigh thinking about another night spent alone.  I briefly think about how I should get out more often and I decide that tomorrow I'll ask Jess to set me up with one of his friends.  Hoping that it won't end up disastrously, I scold myself for sitting here at nine like a lump on a log with nothing to do; I'm still a young woman and I should go out and have some fun.  Okay, that's it, tomorrow I'll get Jess to set me up with a nice guy, I'm not going to just waste my life away at just school.  I need a life.

AN: Tell me what you think, drop a line.


	2. Prince Charming

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 2: Prince Charming

Rating: Pg-13

AN: Thanks for the enthusiastic response; thanks for taking the time to check this out. Stay Tuned.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            With my coffee cup that is inscribed with the words 'Feed My Addiction' in hand, I lightly pad across the space that divides my room from Jess's.  As the door creaks open, I find that he is curled up on the left side, trying to escape the sunlight that is now constantly streaming in through the open window.  Gently stalking across the short distance from the door to his bed, I place my mug on his side table next to his wallet and watch and slide down on the right side of his bed. I'm now curled up behind him and I whisper into his ear, "Wake up Sleeping Beauty."

            Groaning, he turns around cracking an eye open and groggily mutters, "Rory, there's got to be a law against you being up at this ungodly hour."

            Sliding closer to him I realize that his room is much colder than mine.  I shiver as I try to steal some of his comforter away to warm myself up.  Seeing as how my actions to try to get some of the blanket away from him are useless, since he has a reputation of being a blanket-hog, I complain, "Jess, it's freezing in here.  Come on; let me have some of the comforter."

            Sighing he relents, "Fine, here."  He pushes himself to a more upright position as he tucks me under his arm to warm me up.  "Is there something you wanted Rory?"

            Quickly remembering the point of my early wake-up call I brighten up as I say, "Jess, you've got to get me a date.  I mean, last night when I was just sitting here all by myself, I'm thinking about how I'll never meet anyone at the rate at which I'm going at.  I'm going to end up alone and all by myself. You've got to help me Jess; before I know it, I'll be one of those old, bitter, women who sit around complaining about life to her cats."

            Interrupting my rambling, he inserts, "Whoa, stop Rory.  Six o'clock on a Saturday is too early for me to sit through another Gilmore patented rant.  Okay, I'll get you a date. Any preferences?"

            Wrinkling my forehead, I gnaw on my lower lip and say, "Um, someone who likes to read, definitely.  Make sure he's nice and fun, okay, Jess?  Just pick one of your friends that you think I'd get along with."

            Grabbing my coffee mug and taking a sip he replies, "Okay, let me get this straight.  You want a hard core biker or raver with piercings and tattoos all over his body, right?"

            "Jess! Just help me out would ya?"

            Laughing, he kisses my hair and whispers, "Yeah, sure.  I'll find Prince Charming for Princess Rory."

---------------------------------

            "Honey, I'm home!"

            Coming out of my room, I spot that Jess has take-out in hand and is getting us plates.  Rushing over, I realize how hungry I've become after locking myself in my room, willing myself to finish my paper.  I give him a hug from behind and declare, "You are a god-send.  I think I would have starved without you here to feed me."

            Smirking he sits down at the table after pouring me a cup of coffee he asks mysteriously in a sing-song voice, "Guess what I did today?"

            "Well, I'm guessing that you went to school."

            Mocking me in his Rory-voice he says, "School, school, school, that's all I think about.  Essays and papers, and theses."  Returning to his normal gruff voice after I've slapped him on the shoulder for mocking me he says, "Well, for Princess Rory I have found the perfect date for her."

            Excitedly, I yelp, "Ahh!  What's he like, what's his name, does he go to school, what's his major?"

            Quickly with his response in true Jess-like fashion he reveals, "He's about as tall as me, with dark hair, his name is Tyler, he goes to school with me, and he's majoring in graphic design. And before you even ask, yes, he does read; quite a bit too.  His collection of books is just about half of yours, which to normal people, is a lot of books."

            "Yay!  Thanks Jess, you're the best.  I'm totally excited already. Did you tell him about me?  Does he think I'm a loser to get my friend to get me a date?  I don't wanna start on a bad foot here."

            "Don't worry Ror.  He's excited too.  He's kinda shy so I think you two will get along fine.  Your date is tomorrow at eight.  He'll pick you up here."

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            I've spent the entire day getting ready for my date with Jess's friend Tyler.  I'm pretty excited for it, from what Jess has told me, he sounds like a pretty decent kind of guy.  I got a new outfit for tonight, and despise Jess's teasing about me being nervous; I just want to make a good impression.  I'm sick of staying home on weekends when I see Jess going out every night and having fun.

            Stepping out of the shower I blow dry my hair and curl it slightly, leaving it down.  As I put on a little bit of mascara and eyeliner I can already feel the butterflies swarming in my stomach; checking the clock on my nightstand I see that I still have an hour until Tyler is suppose to pick me up.  I need to pace myself or I'll end up throwing up because I'm so nervous.  Getting dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a nice button up shirt that has flower embroidery, I grab my pair of comfortable Doc Martian shoes and slip them on.  Just because I'm going out on a date doesn't mean my feet can't be comfortable, right?  

            The intercom on the door buzzes and I can hear Jess walking to answer it.  This is it.  The moment of truth.  I hear the two guys greet each other and the next second I hear Jess yelling, "Rory, he's here."

            Stepping out of my room I glance towards my date, Tyler.  Jess was right, he was about as tall as him and he had almost black hair that was messy, and yet it looked like it was suppose to be like that.  His blue eyes sparkled and he had a shy smile playing across his lips.  Grinning, I think about how Jess really has good taste, and how he knows exactly how to pick them for me.  I walk the short distance to the door and wait for Jess to introduce us thinking about how this is going to develop into something good.  Maybe this dating thing is not as bad as I thought; maybe I won't end up complaining about life to my cats.  I can definitely see potential in this new guy.

AN: Did she find the one; is he as perfect as he seems at first glance or is someone going to get in the way?  Is Jess going to sit around and watch is best friend slip through his fingers; or is he really happy that she found Prince Charming?  Keep checking back for more to see what happens with Rory and the new guy in her life.  More to come.


	3. Content

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 3: Content

Rating: Pg-13

AN: For the sake of sounding like a broken record, I thank those again who took time to read and then review.  It means a lot to me and it totally keeps me going. Thanks.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            I gently slip in my key trying not to make too much noise, since it is one o'clock in the morning.  I know, it really is unlike me to be sneaking back in at such a late hour, but my date with Tyler just ran a little later than I thought.  It's been about a month since our first date, and things are still going great.  I can't describe it; it's pretty amazing when I'm with him.  

            Walking the short distance to my room, I stop and turn around and head towards Jess's room instead.  Tonight was just so wonderful that I just can't wait a single minute longer to tell anyone.  Tentatively opening the door, I see that he's lying on his side facing away from the door.  I remove my shoes and slide under the covers and curl up behind him.  I can tell that he's somewhat awake and is almost getting back into his conscious side.  Turning around he smiles and asks with concern in his voice, "Hey there.  Is everything okay?"

            Giggling I reply, "Jess, tonight was amazing.  You won't believe where he took me; it was this little café that had the best coffee that it rivaled Luke's.  I mean, it's so great, I think I'll take Mom there next time she comes up to visit.  And that's not it, he had these flowers for me and after dinner he bought me ice cream and we just walked around the city.  Seriously Jess, I can't thank you enough for setting me up with Tyler."

            Breathing in he smiles softly and remarks, "I'm glad you're so happy Ror.  You deserve it."

            "Thanks Jess."  I slide down even more as he wraps his arm around me.  Tightening his grasp on me, I think about how I just have it all right now: a great boyfriend and an even greater best friend.

            "Rory, are you staying here? 'Cause if you are, turn off the light."  Yawning, Jess points to the silver lamp that sits on his night stand.

            Shifting slightly so that I can reach the power button, I turn it off and snuggle closer to him feeling utterly content with my life.

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            Struggling to open my eyes, I find that I'm still in Jess's bedroom; not that it really bothered me, occasionally when I was really happy or upset I would just climb in bed with him, in a strictly friendly manner of course.  Glancing around, I see that there's a cup of coffee on his night stand and as I reach over to get it, I feel that it's still warm; he must have just left the house to go to school.  Smiling at his thoughtfulness I wonder how anyone can anyone think that Jess is emotionally cut-off.  I guess he's just always been this nice and polite around me; I like being the only one that gets to see his soft side, and once in a while I make sure that I tease him that he really does have a softer, gentler side to his James Dean exterior.  

            The phone rings, jolting me out of my day dream; reaching over to grab the portable next to the clock, I ask, "Hello?"

            "Hey there."  I smile, knowing who it is just by the sound of his voice.  I melt into the covers thinking about the amazing night that we just shared a couple of hours ago.

            "Tyler.  How are you?"

            "I'm good.  Did I wake you up?"

            Grinning at his thoughtfulness, I whisper, "If I wasn't awake, I wouldn't mind waking up to your voice."

            Chuckling he replies, "Okay, I just wanted to say 'hi' before I head off to the library to do some research.  You wanna come?  You can work on your English paper while I research."

            "Sure; I've been meaning to get it out of the way anyways, and with your beautiful face there, it might make it less painful."  I can't really believe I just so openly flirted with him like that; I'm not usually like that but I guess with him, he brings out a different side of me; and to top it off, I like it.

            "Stop, you're making me blush.  I'll meet you there in an hour; is that enough time for you?"

            "Yeah, plenty.  See you."

            "Later, Rory."

            Quickly chugging the rest of Jess's terrific coffee, I hop off his bed and rush into my room to get dressed and to grab my books and stuff.  After jotting down a quick note to let Jess know where I am, I slam the door after me and head towards the library.

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            "Jess!?  Are you home?"

            I peer around the corner looking for him; I'm really excited about my proposition and I can't wait to tell him about it.  He's walking out of his room and I can hear him shout, "Yeah? What is it?"

            As he faces me I can tell that he's been napping; he's wearing nothing but his Grinch boxers that I bought for him years ago.  Snapping out of it, I remind myself that I shouldn't be staring at Jess like that; he's practically my brother; but still, even though summer was a while ago, somehow he's pretty tan for a guy that doesn't like to just randomly sit out in the sun for the sake of a tan.  I can't help but stare, and for the first time I really notice that he's pretty built.

            "Hey, Rory…are you just going to stare at me, 'cause I'm starting to feel like a piece of meat on display here."   Smirking he knows that he has caught me in mid-stare.

            Blushing wildly I advert my eyes and try to glance at everything but him; but he knows that he has hit a sore spot. He walks over casually to my side and stands right in front of me with his arms crossed with a grin on his face, waiting for me to say something.  Regaining some composure, I manage to squeak out, "Uh…would you be interested to go on a double date with me and Tyler.  There's a new up-scale restaurant opening and he managed to get a table for four and he suggested that we all hang out together for a night, since we don't really do that often, but of course you're not obligated to go, I could always just ask someone else or maybe one of his friends would like to go with us instead…"

            Bracing his arms on my shoulders he looks at me and stops me in mid-ramble with, "Yeah that would be good.  I've got a date coming up with this girl and I don't think she'd be extremely excited with the diner across the street or the Chinese place on 6th.  Thanks Ror, you saved me a lot of planning hassle."  Seeing as how my cheeks are still tinted red, he walks to his room to put on a Metallica shirt.  Shaking his head at me for being embarrassed so easily he tries to ease the tension that's radiating off of me by saying, "I made pasta; want some?"

            He knows that I have a major soft spot for his appetizing pasta that I forget everything that has happened within the last five minutes and I rush into the kitchen with him and begin to spoon the pasta onto my plate.  While I grab a couple of glasses for us, I contemplate about our future double date; we have never actually done that before, we just always kinda kept our dating life aside.  I mean, we're always there for each other when we went through heartbreak or breakups, but we never mingled those two aspects of our lives together…I think that this new venture will be quite interesting.

AN: Hope you enjoyed it.  For all you hard-core Lits out there and keep asking me if this will become a Jess/Rory fic…well, you'll just have to keep on reading; but I will say one thing: I love them together.  Keep checking back, and be patient with the couple pairing. 


	4. Family Business

**Is There More? **

Author:  Knowhere

Chapter 4: Family Business 

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: I've forgotten to put this in the earlier chapters, but I hope that your deductive skills are good enough to figure out that I don't own anything mentioned in this story except for a couple fictional characters that I've conjured up.

AN: Don't worry Lits, this fic will soon progress in a manner you'll appreciate.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            The double date went pretty well; the restaurant was immaculate and the food was delicious.  It wasn't too weird or too fancy that the portions were the sizes intended for birds, and the best thing about it was the dessert—the chocolate mud pie was the size of my face; it was so big that I had to share it with Jess.  I would have shared it with Tyler but he doesn't really like the taste of chocolate; and to the Gilmore book, that's a big fat check mark in con section of dating; but not eating chocolate isn't going to stop me from dating him.  What a silly reason.

So, for the first time ever I actually spent more than a minute with one of Jess's dates.  Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't like to get to know the women that he spends time with, it's just that Jess has never really had a steady girlfriend.  I've just never had enough time to actually talk with them.  When Jess introduced his date to me I could barely contain my laughter, and he could tell; by the look in his eyes I could see that he silently begged me not to crack a joke.  I mean, if Jess dates a girl name Jessica, how can you just expect me to sit around and not tease him about it?  Well, I was fairly lady-like and politely refrained from any comment that could be deemed 'too offensive' about her name until Jess and I got home.  Besides the name, there wasn't anything else that was comical about that girl.  Not that she wasn't the funny type, she just didn't have any substance in her.  I mean, what was she made of—just that expensive makeup that was heavy on her face and the credit card that has her daddy's name on it?  Why does Jess always pick the ones that can't hold their own in a conversation?  It's not like girls like that aren't out there, there're plenty of nice, fun girls that he would enjoy spending time with.  Oh well, who am I to really go and rant about my best friend's dates?  This Jessica person probably won't last much longer when Jess realizes that all she wants is a boyfriend that drives a foreign car and has money coming out of the wazoo, which by the way, Jess is neither.  I've got a pool going with my Mom about how long this one will last, I give it about one more week; Mom thinks it'll end in about three days.  We'll see who wins; there's a cup of coffee for the winner.

I won the next week and Mom promised me the biggest cup that she could find the next time we get together.

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            Tyler and I have been together for about five months now and I still find the relationship new and exciting.  I never thought that I could find someone, besides Jess, that could fit in so perfectly with my personality.  I've told Mom everything there is to tell about Tyler and she's pretty excited to meet him; I plan on taking him with me when I go back to Stars Hallow next weekend.  I can't wait to be back sitting on one of Luke's stools with a big cheeseburger and a huge cup of his coffee.  My mouth waters at the thought of it.  Musing in my room, I don't even notice that I've been staring at my open text book for the last thirty minutes.  It's Saturday night and normally I would be out on a date but Tyler said that he had some family business to take care of; not that I mind, it's not like we have to hang around each other 24/7.

            I hear a soft rapping at my door and Jess pops his head in.  "Hey Ror.  Whatcha doing?"

            Pouting I reply, "Nothing, I'm stuck here tonight."

            Lying down next to me on my bed he sighs, "Yeah, me too."

            Raising an eyebrow I tease, "Oh really?  You don't have a pretty young thing to escort tonight?  Wow, that's a first."

            Grabbing out, he tackles me and I land right in his lap as he begins to tickle me for that little crack I made about his dating life.  Finally after a couple of minutes at my surrender, he relents and lets me catch my breath.  "You want to do something with me?  We could go out to a movie or something."

            Brightening up already I jump up from my bed and grab some clothes on my way to the bathroom while yelling back at him, "Yeah, let's go eat.  I'm starving."

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            Strolling along the street of New York with Jess at my side is one of my favorite things to do.  After a quick bite at the little diner that reminds us of home, we took a quick browse at Barnes and Noble; well, it wasn't really that quick, more like two hours.  As we're walking along I find that I feel completely safe just with my arm looped through his.  New York might not be the safest city around but with Jess I don't feel anything less than secure.  Walking aimlessly with no apparent conversation is one of our many pastimes.  People don't really understand why we enjoy it so much, but we do; we both like to people watch and we like to get lost in our own little worlds while doing so.  Whenever we do one of these walks, we just amble along and barely talk while we reflect upon our days. 

I'm somewhat sad to think that our walks used to take place at least once every three but since I started dating Tyler we haven't been able to take our walks often.  I'm a little bit upset at myself for allowing me to fall so deeply in this new relationship.  Sure, things were new and exciting with Tyler, but that doesn't give me the right to abandon my friendship with Jess.  Boyfriends may come and go, but what I have with Jess is binding.  Lost in thought I don't realize that my face is reflecting my thoughts until Jess asks me what's wrong.

            Tilting my head to look up at him I try to smile and brush it off, "Oh, nothing.  Just thinking about random things."

            He doesn't usually give up so easily on trying to find out what's really wrong but I think he senses that I'll talk when I want to, so we just keep on walking.  About five minutes later I slow down and when he accommodates my change of pace by shortening his strides I frankly ask, "Jess, do you think I've been a good friend since I've been seeing Tyler?"

            Somewhat shocked he wonders, "What would make you think that you aren't being a good friend?"

            "I don't know. I've just been thinking; you know that these kinds of relationships don't happen often in my life and even though I am happy, I don't want you to think that I can just replace you.  You've always had girlfriends while we've been friends, but you've never let that get in the way of us hanging out.  I don't want you to feel left out or anything like that."  I try to explain my point without sounding arrogant like I'm rubbing it in his face that I have a steady relationship and he doesn't.  We stop at a park bench to sit down and I try to relax as he puts his arm around my shoulders.

            Without misunderstanding my point he quickly points out, "I've never felt left out Ror.  Sure, there are times where I wanted to hang out or just do something with you but you were out, but I don't hold that against you.  You have a boyfriend and we can't just always hang with each other every moment anymore; but don't worry about my feelings, I know that you're happy and I'm happy for you."

            Leaning my head on his shoulder I whisper, "Thanks Jess."

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            Getting back up I notice that it's getting late and we start our trek back towards our apartment.  I'm feeling a lot better now that I've had that chat with Jess and I've decided that I'll try to make more time for him.  I've missed spending time with him, talking to him, and just being with him.  Tyler is a good boyfriend, but he couldn't ever fill Jess's shoes as my best friend.  I'm feeling more and more confident in my relationships as we walk by a little coffee house that I've never noticed before.  Curiously, I peer inside and I think I might have to check that out and see the quality of coffee that they serve.  My thoughts on my beloved java are interrupted when I become aware of a familiar face inside the establishment sitting there with a pretty blonde.  I think for a second that my eyes are playing a trick on me; that can't be Tyler sitting inside, he told me that he was in Vermont at a family gathering.  Calming myself, I try to not jump to conclusions and I take a couple deep breaths to soothe the doubt and anger that I feel bubbling in the pit of my stomach.  I'm sure that there is some logical explanation for this.  

            "Everything okay?"  Jess can sense that something's up but I don't want him to get into his 'protective mode' until I know for sure what's the deal with Tyler and that blonde.  Just because he lied about being somewhere doesn't mean that he's cheating on me, and I don't want Jess to just run in there and get to the bottom of it for me.  I'm a grown up now and I can handle my own situations, good or bad.

            "Yep, everything's fine."  What else can I do but pretend that I'm fine?  But deep inside I know that I'm far from anywhere but fine.  Have I made a huge mistake for letting myself fall like I did?

AN: Thanks for reading.  Tell me what you think.  I definitely know where I'm taking this, so just sit back and relax as the plot unfolds.

FYI: For those who have reviewed and asked about whether we'll officially 'meet' Jess's girlfriend(s) or Tyler, the answer is that their interactions will be limited.  From what you can see this is told from Rory's point of view and this story will only concern her relationships; there won't be a time where this will detour to Jess's life.  Don't worry, Jess will soon be playing a much larger role in coming chapters.  Staying true to its Literati fashion, boyfriends and girlfriends will play a role in both their lives but things that don't mainly concern Rory will be told through her words as if she were having a conversation with the reader.  However, I do love that people are interested enough to put in their opinions and/or ask questions about character development.


	5. Silent Consolation

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 5: Silent Consolation

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing except the new fictional characters belongs to me.

AN: Thanks to those who reviewed my last several chapters; it is definitely the largest driving factor that keeps me sitting here in this chair typing away at my computer.  The reviews that I received from the last chapter were pretty much what I was expecting; but I wanted to steer clear of the norm.  Is Rory's boyfriend really cheating on her?  Well, answers might not be provided in the direct manner in which you would like in this chapter, but I still think that this is very important in the development in Rory and Jess's relationship; which I know is what most of you have been wanting to read.  I must say, this chapter was cranked out in less than an hour and it was very easy for me to write.  I finally feel that this story is moving fluidly and I hope that you'll stick with it to see its result. 

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati. 

            My body is in full 'auto-pilot' mode as I quietly close my bedroom door behind me.  Looking around my eyes settle on a little black shoe box; walking over to it, I open the lid and pull out its contents.  I look through the movie stubs, the restaurant match boxes, and other various notes and paraphernalia that I've collected from the five months Tyler and I have been together.  As I slowly examine every bit of memory that is stored in my shoe box, I wonder if this will soon become like my other ex-boyfriend boxes.  There hasn't been many but I do remember ones from Dean and from Michael.  Thinking about my Dean box, I recall that Mom had initially hid it from me, claiming that when I grew up I would want to look back upon my boxes.  She was right; the day that we decided to call it quits because we realized that we wanted different things from life, I went through my box with a cup of coffee at my side, reading everything and remembering the little memories that they stored.  Grabbing another shoebox from deep inside my closet I see the little post-it note that simply says, 'Michael.'  My relationship with Michael was short and fairly intense; we had met late in my freshman year of college and when he transferred to a school in the mid-west, we abruptly ended.  Silently I wonder if what I have with Tyler will end as hastily as the one with Michael did; however, I do find myself in a completely new situation.  My relationships have always ended due to distances and/or the lack of passion that evident at first, but soon dwindled.  Not knowing for sure that Tyler is actually betraying me, I try not to flip out like used to when I was younger.  I decide that Tyler wouldn't purposely hurt me and that I should wait until he feels that it's necessary that we talk.  I don't want to suddenly bring it up in a conversation one day as if I've been following him; but nonetheless, it doesn't ease the pain that I'm feeling now just because I've decided to deal with this in the most mature way that I know how.

            Realizing that musing over old relationships won't get me anywhere with my current one, I decide to hop in the shower to wash away some of the tension.  I step into the stall and turn the water's temperature up so that I might attempt to scald away my pain.  Washing my hair felt like I was washing away a layer of my naivety.  It was as if this pain will help me ascend to a further level of maturity and understanding of the world's grief.  I'm just standing here in the shower letting the water run over my body as if it were personified as the ache washing away and into the drain.  I sense that the water is running a bit cold and I don't even remember how long I've been standing here thinking.  Shutting off the water I take a deep, calming breath and let it all out in a whoosh of silence.  Putting on my pajamas and brushing my teeth, I try to steer my mind away from the thoughts that are drawing me into a pit of sorrow.

            I climb softly on my bed wanting nothing but the relief that sleep might bring me; an escape into a dreamland that will fly me away from what I'm experiencing now.  Suddenly, I can't control my emotions.  Tears are hot in my throat and their pushing the boundaries of my eyes; I don't want to allow them to fall.  It would mean that I've let myself fall into this anguish because I willingly opened my heart to another.  I brush my tears away, but I feel like I can't wipe them off fast enough; they're streaming down my face as my body is shaking from my sobs.  I remember someone saying a while ago that the silent tears are the worst because it's like your heart wants one emotion, but your will wants the other.  My heart is aching but my logical side is demanding that I stop these tears over a boy.  

Unexpectedly, my head fills with the questions that I never wanted to ask myself.  Did I do something wrong?  Was I moving too fast; did it push him away?  Was I not good enough for him?  I vowed to myself many years ago that I would never ask these questions because they were irrelevant.  My rational brain knew that I've done nothing wrong and it was him that has stepped outside of our relationship; but that doesn't stop me from sitting here in my bed asking those very same heart breaking questions. 

I hear a soft knocking on my door, and fearing that Jess will see me shattered, I slip back under the covers and turn my back towards the door pretending to be asleep.  However, my attempts to silently push Jess away are fruitless; my door is opening slowly and I can hear the creak of him walking across the wooden floor.  Taking several deep breaths I want to calm my shaking body from his view; I don't want to explain what's happening just yet.  I can barely comprehend myself, how can I tell Jess what has happened?  I'm torn between two choices as I hear his even breathing behind me; should I just ask him to stay and comfort me or should I push him away so that I might cry in peace?  With my eyes darting back and forth trying to come up with a decision, I get the impression that Jess doesn't need my approval or my words.  Without asking me a single question, he has climbed into bed with me and has scooted closer to my side.  He wraps his arms around me and secures my back to his chest as he kisses my hair and reaches for my hand.  As he finds his destination in my palm, the reality of everything has hit me like a hurricane.  More tears are falling down my face and although I don't have the courage to turn around and look at Jess, he pulls me closer to him and whispers the only words that I want to hear at this moment in time, "I'm here Ror."

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            Sunlight is harassing my swollen eyes as I roll onto my other side in attempt to shield myself from the cheery assault.  Turning to my left side I'm greeted with the sight of a sleeping Jess; I notice that his arms have not loosen from the hours of sleep, and instead of turning to his side of the bed, he has actually scooted closer to me.  Snuggling my face into his chest I wonder how I'm going to explain all of this to him; how do I tell him that the reason I was crying was because of a guy that I thought was near perfect?  Knowing that Jess is going to feel responsible since he set us up, I rack my brain trying to come up with a reasonable excuse.  

            Taking in my change of position, I can tell that he's beginning to wake up and he ducks his head down to see if I'm up.  Smiling, he presses a gentle kiss on my forehead and he wordlessly climbs out of bed and saunters into the kitchen.  Sitting up alone in my bedroom, I meditate on my next choice of action.  Am I going to wallow or will I brush it off like last night never happened?  I settle on a nice place in the middle of wallowing and forgetting and shove my feet into my bunny slippers and meander into the kitchen where I can see that Jess is getting out the Bisquick mix.

            Pouring myself a cup of coffee that is freshly brewed, not a word is spoken between the two of us and neither attempts to break the silence.  I don't want to discuss anything and he can feel that this isn't a time for teasing or for provoking me into a debate.

            I sit down on the petite dining table for two and my eyes follow him around the kitchen as he prepares us pancakes for breakfast.  Finally, after about fifteen minutes, a plate of steaming hot-cakes is placed in front of me along with a bottle of syrup and a tub of butter.  Without an exchange of words we dig in and I can tell by the look on his face that he has gone into his protective mode.  After all these years I've come to detect that whenever I'm sad, Jess goes into a phase in which he says very little, and shows his affection for me in his silence.  I briefly wonder how long he's going to be in this phase, and at the same time I wonder long I'll be in this situation.  Cutting into my second pancake, I reach over and take his hand into mine and whisper all that is needed.  Gazing back at me he murmurs, "You're welcome."

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            It's been two days and I can't ever recall a time in our friendship in which so little words were spoken.  Without knowing my particular problem, Jess doesn't quite know the exact words to comfort me; and I still don't feel up to telling him without any word from Tyler.  Everything has changed in the way that Jess approaches our friendship; he's more attentive to my needs and every night he slips into my room and we fall asleep together.  

            Five days have passed without a call from Tyler and I'm beginning to wonder if I should make the first move.  My musing on him is interrupted as I pick up the ringing phone and ask who it is.  "Rory? It's me."

            Tyler.  The moment has come make or break our relationship.

AN: I know that the dialogue was slim to none in this chapter, but I didn't feel like I could properly convey what Rory is feeling in conversation; I wanted her to 'tell' you what she was going through.  Although Rory has reason to be extremely upset, I don't want you to walk away from this chapter thinking that she will become depressed.  In this AU, Rory hasn't had much dating experience and when she fell, she fell hard.   However, before you begin to gather up the rocks to stone me, or Tyler, for the pain that Rory's going through, there will be an explanation and it might **not be the one that you were expecting**.  Please keep reading and have faith that I know the exact destination to where this story will arrive. Thanks.


	6. Irony

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 6: Irony

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing except my own conjured characters.

AN: Thank you again for reading and for all your enthusiastic responses.  Hopefully, it'll move along in a manner in which most of you have been waiting for.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            "Rory?"

            The phone line is silent for a couple of seconds because I can't seem to find my voice.  Gathering up the courage that is in the pit of my stomach, I manage to ask, "Yeah, I'm here.  What's going on?"

            "Rory, can I come over and see you tonight?"

            "Sure.  Why don't you come over at around eight?"

            "Thanks; I'll see you then."

            And that was the end of our conversation.  After five fateful days, our entire conversation lasted in just under five sentences.  Ironic, isn't it; a sentence for each day?  Life is sure full of irony; a week ago I would have told you that I felt like I was on top of the world.  I had an amazing family, a great best friend, a steady boyfriend, and the best academic life that I could ever wish for.  Now, I'm sitting at the foot of my bed with the portable phone cradled in my hands with a potential break-up arriving in two hours.  What else can I say but that life sucks?

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            The next hour and a half seemed to crawl like a sloth to his destination.  I'm sitting here on my couch in a simple tee-shirt and a pair of faded jeans.  Who am I going to try to impress anymore; might as well breakup in comfortable clothes.  I see that I have twenty minutes left and I'm going through all the scenarios of my reaction in my head.  Should I act surprised; or should I call him on his mistake?  Is it even a mistake; maybe that was just a friend that was in the coffee shop with him?  Chiding myself for jumping to conclusions I realize that my brain has worked up too many different reasons that I can't even find the logic in anything.  

            The intercom buzzes and I stalk the brief distance from the couch to the door to let him in.  Opening the door I see the face that initially excited and challenged me; now all I see is the cause of self-doubt.  "Hey Tyler."

            "Rory, let's sit down.  We need to talk."  Wordlessly, we make our way to the couch and I look up as he gazes into my eyes.  Smiling sadly, he asks, "Have you ever had that best friend where you felt like you couldn't live without?"

            An image of Jess pops into my mind as I nod a quick 'yes.'  He continues to talk and as he begins, he takes my hand gently into his.  A couple of weeks ago, I longed for his touch and now it only seems to burn my skin.  "When I graduated high school I had this best friend, her name was Kate.  We shared similar interests and we could talk about anything and everything.  We started dating junior year but in the back of our minds we were always dreading the day when we would have to part for college.  Our relationship was intense, you know?  It was like that kind of thing where you would feel that you couldn't survive the night until you heard their voice."

            Tears are beginning to well up in my eyes but I demand that I take control over my emotions.  I can already see where this conversation is going.  I feel like I'm drowning and I can't catch my breath…

            Continuing, he tightens his grasp on my hand and remarks, "The day that we graduated, I felt like a part of me left with her.  She moved to Seattle and asked that I go with her, but I just couldn't give up on my dream college; but everyday that we've been apart, I regret my decision.  Have you ever regretted something so bad that you would give anything to go back and undo it?"

            That simple question strikes a chord in me, sometimes when I'm completely honest with myself I can admit that I feel that exact way about Jess.  Sometimes I would give anything to confess that I had feelings for him way back when he asked; but I feared loosing my friend all those years ago and I pushed my feelings aside and I lied through my teeth and said that I only felt platonic feelings towards him.  

            Tyler mistakes my silence and resumes his explanation, "Well, if you've ever been in that kind of situation where you regret something so deeply, it's as if a knife is slowly cutting into your bone.  It hurt me so much that I didn't think that I could open up to anyone else ever again; but then you came along.  Geez Rory, being with you has been some of the best moments of my life.  It's been really amazing; but the other day Kate called me and she told me that she's moving here and she wants to see if we can get back together.  I told her that I would have to think about it."

            I'm letting the words actually sink in and penetrate me.  Ironically enough I'm not mad, I'm not upset, I'm just sad.  How can I stand in his way of his happiness when he just expressed to me a couple of minutes ago that his soul mate wanted to start things up again?  Am I that selfish that I'm going to get upset because things aren't flowing in my direction?  No.  I'm going to be happy for him that he found his perfect companion at such a young age.  Sadly, I compose my words and I carefully tell him, "Tyler, these last several months have been amazing for me too; but I'm not going to stand in your way.  I'm actually truly happy for you and I hope that it'll all work out for you."

            Surprise is evident in his features as he informs me, "Wow; when I came up here tonight this was not what I was expecting from you.  Thanks, I really do appreciate that you're making the decision to go back to Kate much easier.  I feel much better knowing that you're not going to hate me for the rest of your life."

            Smiling for the first time in several days, I methodically nod and stand up as we make our way towards the door.  Turning around and giving me one last glance he says something that sticks to me, "Rory, I hope that you can discover the kind of love and friendship that I have with Kate; and when you do find it, don't let go of it.  It's the most amazing feeling in the world and you never know; your love of your life might be in the next room."

            Shutting the door behind him I stand there speechless.  Was that a pointed statement that he left me with?  Was there something else that I'm supposed to read in between the lines for?  I feel extremely tired and worn out so I decide to call it quits.  Going into my bedroom I climb under the covers and shut my eyes, content with how everything ended with Tyler.  I know that I'll experience some more heart ache when I awake in the morning because a relationship with someone like Tyler isn't just something I can get over in one night; but I know that I'll be able to work things through with my chin held up high.  I begin to nod off when I hear the front door being slowly opened.  I can hear Jess's footsteps going into the next bedroom and as the pipes rattle a bit as the shower turns on, I listen to the comforting sound of rushing water as I drift into sleep.

AN: It finally happened; the explanation of the mysterious blonde in the coffee shop.  Was it what you were expecting?  The purpose of the break-up was not for it to be messy; I wanted to shake things up a little, and stray from the norm that Rory would have a cheating boyfriend.  I wanted Rory to accept things as a mature adult and I also wanted to show the parallels between Tyler/Kate to Rory/Jess.  Things will start progressing from here, so keep reading.

BTW: If you want a quick Lit fix, that's full of the sappiness that we all love…check out my other fic, 'A Future Foretold'.  Drop me a line to tell me what you think about it.  I'm sure that you won't be as aggravated as much with the lack of Rory/Jess in this chapter after you finish the mush in the Future Foretold trilogy. 


	7. Recognition

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 7: Recognition

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer:  Nothing but Tyler, Kate and any other fictional character.

AN:  Sorry, this took a little while to crank out but I've got SAT classes every Monday and Wednesday from 6-9; but don't worry, I haven't given up on the story.  I still have a while to go until we reach the intended destination.

Side Note:  Addressing the review that said that they would like to see Jess's point of view about their relationship:  I contemplated over whether or not I wanted to alternate point of views in the middle of this story, and although it's tempting to show Jess's feelings, the answer I arrived at is: No.  I started out with Rory, and I don't want to break the flow of the writing by switching to Jess.  I've got a continuation for this story in mind, sorta a part two after I end this one, and I'll most probably do it in a third person narrative.  But thanks for the input; I'm always up for questions or suggestions.  

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

My 'I Love Lucy' clock tells me that it's five in the morning, too early to do anything but it's too late for me to try to fall back asleep.  I feel trapped now in my room, in this apartment that is filled with memories of Tyler.  I suddenly miss Mom so much, I want to revert back to a time where I could lay my head on her lap and she would stroke my hair, telling me that everything's going to be okay.  I suddenly remember that I was supposed to go visit her this weekend; I promised that I would bring Tyler to go see Stars Hallow today.  Ugh, just as I was finally coming to terms of flying solo, I've got to go home and face the town who was expecting my new boyfriend.  Maybe if I leave now and catch the early morning bus, I can sneak in and talk to Mom first without having the entire town see me arrive alone.  I grab my duffel bag and start to shove in some clothes and toiletries in there and I tip-toe out into the kitchen jotting down a quick note for Jess so that he won't worry about me.  I hang it up on the fridge with a smiley face magnet and rush out of the apartment.  There just too memories for me to stay here and mope.

            Boarding the next bus to Stars Hallow I pull out my paperback and begin to submerge myself into the words.  The tiny print seems to swim around the pages, and instead of comforting me it only arouses questions within me.  I'm still puzzled about the statement that Tyler left me with; "your love might be in the next room…"  He knew how close Jess and I are; and at the beginning of our relationship, Tyler even felt somewhat insecure about intruding on our friendship.  But I had ensured him that Jess and I were best friends and that he shouldn't feel as if he needed to try to fill Jess's shoes.  I know Jess and I are close, it's just after hearing that story that Tyler told me about Kate, I wonder if I'm overlooking something in my life.

            I'm jolted out of my pondering as the bus jerks to a sudden halt.  The sun is just peeking over the horizon and I swear Stars Hallow looks like one of those towns that you see in those old western movies; I half expected to see a sheriff or Taylor, come out and see who would be visiting at such an early hour.  Quickly grabbing my bag I hop off the bus and start the trek to my home.

            Walking the rather short distance from the bus stop to home, I take in all the memories that are present in this town.  I pass Luke's, where normally, in a couple of hours, Mom and I would be heading for our morning fix of coffee; I pass the video store and remember the Rory Curtain and how Jess would never forget to tease me about it when we went in to rent our weekly movie.  I gaze at Miss Patty's and recall the time when there was a Chilton dance and Dean was out of town; I begged and pleaded and Jess actually agreed to go with me.  We had to take a couple of ball-room dancing lessons, and to repay him I had to let him pick what movie and what book we would read for the next month; but that dance turned out to become one of the most memorable nights of my life.  He arrived in a black suit, because he refused to wear a tux and we went and danced and I remember thinking to myself that the night was incredible.  After the dance, he took me out for ice-cream and we walked around Hartford, just content being with each other.  That's how our walks started; then a couple of days later he asked if I wanted to go out for the night and we had dinner and we took another walk.  Then they just started to become tradition to us.  

            I'm at the front porch…deep breath…I can do this.  What am I afraid of?  Mom has always been there for me through thick and thin and she'll always understand.  I dig into my backpack and realize that I didn't bring my house key.  Looking around for the turtle in which we have always hid our key, I scoop it out and stick it into the key hole.  Just as I'm twisting the door knob open, the door flies open and a huge frying pan would have left a dent in my head had I not ducked; but unfortunately, I inherited those great coordination skills from Mom and instead of being hit by the pan, my eye crashed into the door knob when I tried to escape the swinging weapon.  

            I scream and I hear someone yell, "Oh my God, Rory!" as I curl up in a ball right there on the porch in the very early morning for everyone to see.  "Rory! What are you doing here so early?"

            "Mom!  Can we just go inside…I think I'm getting a black eye and it really stings."

            "Oh yeah; sure honey.  I'm really sorry.  I thought you were a burglar, or Kirk, or some bad person like that."

            She ushers me inside and before she grabs the towel and ice for me, she flips on the switch for the coffee pot.  I smile; typical Lorelai Gilmore, ice may temporary cure the swollenness, but coffee is the panacea for life.  I think about how ridiculous we must look right now; a twenty-something kid with a black eye from a door knob and her Mom trying to find out what gets rid of a shiner.  A couple of minutes later, with an ice pack plastered to my face and two steaming bowls of coffee, she asks, "Hey, honey…what is it?"

            "Huh?"  I'm really out of it right now…I didn't realize that she was referring why I'm here so early.

            "Rule of thumb, Rory.  No Gilmore or any self-respecting person should get up in the middle of the night and climb on a bus to see their mother, unless there is an unexpected coffee shortage in the world, or there is the biggest shoe sale in the history of mankind."

            Smiling wistfully I didn't know how much I've missed being physically near Mom until right now; the way that she cracks jokes, how she can always make me feel better with just a couple of warm looks, and how she just makes me feel like home.  It doesn't matter where we are or what time of the day it is, as long as I'm with her, I always feel like I'm safe and loved.  "Mom, Tyler and I broke up."

            "Oh, Honey…I'm so sorry."  Her features suddenly drop and her smile turns sympathetic, and there is silence.  She's waiting for me to continue on with the story of the break up, but everything happened so quickly that it just seems surreal.  I begin my story, starting with the good parts: how we met, where he took me, and all the usual girly gossip.  Then I turn to the night when I saw him in the coffee shop and how he came over the next week and then the reason behind the lie and the blonde.  When I'm done, I'm exhausted and she lets out a sigh of relief, knowing now that he didn't hurt me and the separation was basically mutual.

            "Sweetie, I'm so proud of you for being able to let go of him.  Why don't you crash on the couch or something…you look like a couple more hours would do you some good."

            "Thanks Mom; it's good to be back home."  I make my way to the couch and I turn it into a temporary bed for me.  I snuggle into the familiar scent of the sheets and I finally close my eyes, feeling completely relaxed.

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            Rolling over I see that Jess is next to me; he's been staring at me and he smiles broadly at the sight of me being awake.  He leans over and places a gentle kiss on my lips. Wanting much more than he's giving me, I shift my weight and he's now hovering over me.  Bracing his weight on his forearms, he kisses me deeper and I moan slightly at his restrained gentleness.  I'm still hungry for more and I trail a path of kisses down his neck and to his chest and back up to his neck again; I find his pulse and I begin to lick my way from the pulse to his collarbone.  He groans above me and I'm emboldened by the response.  Gathering up the courage, my hands wander to the waistband of his boxers and I…

            My eyes fly open as I awake to an empty couch.  What was my subconscious doing?  I'm somewhat shaken by that steamy dream of me and Jess and I wonder what possibly made me think of something like that?  Kisses have never been more than a friendly peck but my dream had felt so real.  It was as if I could really feel him running his hands all over my body.  Just the thought of him kissing me makes me shudder.  He was so gentle in my dream; I wonder what it would like in real life; I can't believe that I had that dream again…lately for the last couple of weeks, I've been having the repeated dream of me and Jess in bed together.  What am I thinking?  Does this mean something?

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            I walk into the kitchen where the smell of coffee is and I gently finger the swollen eye, I can already see the rumors flying about it and my ex-boyfriend when I step out of the house today to go to Luke's.  With one good eye open, I'm hallucinating, because I think I see Jess standing here in my mother's kitchen sipping coffee and reading the morning paper.  Noticing me he starts to speak, and I finally come to terms that he isn't a mirage.  "Rory hey, I got here as soon as I read your note…"  He trails off and I raise an eyebrow as a question for him to continue.

            "What the hell happened to your eye!?  Is that why you've been upset these last couple of days…I swear, if that dirt bag Tyler laid a hand on you, he'll loose that same hand tomorrow."

            "Jess, nothing happened…Tyler didn't hit me.  I ran into the doorknob when I was trying to sneak in here this morning."  I try to pacify Jess; but I'm secretly pleased that he would be so concerned about me.  "Jess, I think I owe you an explanation.  You've been really wonderful these last couple of days and I didn't even have the guts to tell you what's really been bothering me."

            He pulls a seat out for me at the kitchen table and guides me down to sit and explain.  "Well, first things first, Tyler and I broke up.  And before you hunt him down to kill him or anything, he explained everything to me and we both decided that we should move on.  You see, his best friend moved back to town, and he says that they're like, soul mates.  I just couldn't keep him from his true love…god, I'm such a sap for those kinds of things, you know me, I cried at the end of Lion King for goodness sakes; how could I keep a fairy tale from beginning between two best friends?"

            His arms are around me as he quietly listens to my explanations.  After a couple of deafening moments, he stands up and takes me up with him and engulfs me in big large hug.  "It's going to be okay, Ror.  He just wasn't the right one for you."

            Nodding into his shirt, I lay my head on his shoulder and breathe in deeply of the scent that is none other but Jess; it's the perfect mix of cologne and soap and it drives me crazy.  I always feel secure when I smell that combination.  "How about we go for a walk to clear our minds?"  I nod, and we head out with his arm around my waist towards our favorite spot in Stars Hallow: the bridge.

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            We're lounging around on the bridge in the chill of the early morning and I regret the decision of not bringing a sweater with me.  Noticing my discomfort, Jess wordlessly hands me his zip-up hoodie and continues reading his book.  I lean back on him and he just holds me tighter at my waist; I think this is what heaven will feel like to me…with Jess, the sunrise, the gentle rippling of the water, and a good book.  My thoughts wander off and I suddenly realize why I didn't torture myself over the break-up with Tyler, why I haven't had extremely serious relationships for a while, why I feel so safe, the reason for the dreams, and why I feel so loved here in the silence of our breathing.  Oh my God…I'm in love with Jess.

AN: Hum…does that make you Lits a little more pleased with this story now?  Well, I know I'm ecstatic that I finally had Rory realize something monumental in her life.  Keep reading to see what happens.


	8. Timing

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 8: Timing

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer:  Zero, Zilch, Zip.

AN:  [Insert the norm: the thanks for reading and for the reviewing.]

Side Note:  If anyone would like an e-mail notifying them of updates, I would be more than happy to do so…just drop me a line to say you'd like that.

FYI: This is the updated version…thanks to the person who had mentioned that I had accidentally named Tyler's girlfriend, Kate, and also Jess's new gal the same.  So it is now changed to Jill…sorry for the confusion.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            "Hey, you okay there?"

            "Oh yeah…I'm doing fine, just fine."  I manage to smile through my thoughts will questions of doubt and of acceptance are running through my mind.  I lean my head on the cool window glass to try to freeze my thoughts.  The freeway signs are passing in a green and white of blur and I can't help but notice the proximity of Jess.  He's right next to me; normally, I would probably lean my head on his shoulder but now that I've come to this new revelation, I don't know how to quite act.  Do I just flat out tell him that I think I'm in love with him?  How in the world would I do that?  'Oh, by the way Jess, you know how I've always told you that we were just friends and nothing else?  Well, after all these years I found out that I'm just lying to the both of us and I want to do something about it.'  What kind of crack-pot conversation is that?  Deep breaths, Rory, you can do this…I hope.

            "We're here."  Jess reaches over and grabs my hand to help me up but I can only feel the heat radiating from his skin to mine.  Good thing he doesn't notice my blush as he stands to grab my small bag from the overhead compartment.  

            I step off the bus with Jess holding my hand like I'm a little child, but I don't complain; I rather enjoy the contact.  I take a moment to soak in the sight of Jess as he tries to hail a cab for us.  Today, I think he looks very comfortable, and yet very classic-Jess.  He's wearing a black Counter Culture shirt with a white thermal underneath and dark stone-washed jeans.  I shake my head thinking about how I could ignore all the signs of infatuation and of love.  I have always thought of Jess as an attractive guy, but why did I never acknowledge my actual feelings for him?

            I can tell that there are going to be some tense times up ahead.

-----------------------------------

            I've found out that missing school is not the best thing for me; I can't follow anything in my Lit class and I seriously don't know what's going on.  Maybe with luck, Jess is studying something similar and can explain when I get home.  I glance at the clock that ticks away the minutes of my life I'm preparing to pack up my stuff and head on to the library to study.  I place the cap back onto my blue pen after I jot down the last note that the professor comments on.  Just as I shove in my last book into my backpack, the teacher reminds us that our papers are due tomorrow.  Geez, how could I have forgotten amidst of all this relationship commotion?  This paper is worth ¼ of my grade and I've only written a rough draft with no corrections on it.  I need to get to the library to get cracking on his thing.  I don't remember a time in which my life has been any more complicated.

            A gentle vibration and a slight buzz goes off in my backpack.  I look on the face of the phone and see the simple name, 'Jess.'  I flip the phone open to greet him.  "Hey you."

            "Hey Rory.  What's going on?"

            "Nothing, I just got out of my Lit class and I remembered that I've got a paper due tomorrow.  I've barely even started; I'm going to be up all night, so you better have the coffee ready."

            "Actually, I'm going out tonight but I'll make sure that you have plenty of that life-sustaining liquid to keep you up, okay?  I just wanted to let you know where I am so you wouldn't be worried or anything."  His soft and gruff voice bounces off the phone and into my ear like music.  I've got it bad.  The simple sound of his voice is enough to make me think about the vivid dreams I've been having lately about him.

            "Okay, thanks for letting me know."  Disappointed, I say goodbye and open the revolving doors to the familiar sight of the university's library.  I head towards one of the large oak tables and begin to dump the contents of my black Jansport backpack onto the table.  I take out a laptop and pens and my rough draft and I begin to work on my assignment.  I can tell I'm going to be here for a while.

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            I lie flat on my back staring at my ceiling.  It's Saturday at eight o'clock in the evening and I'm doing nothing but sit on my bed thinking about what I can't have.  I remember once when I was really young there was this bright red bike I had really wanted; but because Mom was short on money those days, she couldn't buy it for me.  It wasn't too bad not being able to have the bike and I didn't blame her for not being able to buy it for me.  The worst thing about the whole situation was that this new girl moved in next door; her name was Beth.  I went up to her and became her friend, later did I realize that it was one of the hardest friendships of my life.  That girl, Beth, had everything that I wanted, and she did everything I wanted to.  One day when I came home from school she was out riding her brand new shiny red bike.  Man, I hated having to stick to hop-scotch when she paraded around in her new bike that I had wanted so much.  Jess is like that bike to me now.  I wish and wish for him every night, but in the morning I see him parading around as something that I can't have.  I haven't told him about my recent discovery of my feelings yet…it's been about a month.  

            I guess the main concern on my behalf is his reaction.  What if he doesn't feel anything any more?  What if this, what if that…those kind of questions keep running through my mind, it's like I've got a twenty-four hour marathon running in there.

            You know what…screw it.  All these years, I've hid behind the comfort and the peace of traveling the road that everyone has taken; the safe route, the one that the typical 'girl next door' would take.  Well, I'm sick of it.  I'm going to just go up to Jess and tell him that I think I've fallen in love with him.  He's an adult, he can take his kind of shocking news, right?

-------------------------------------

            I hear the front door opening and the muffling of voices.  Gathering up my courage, I open up my door to prepare to tell Jess that I love him.  Several situations run through my head as I try to make up a way to ease it into a conversation.  However, my thoughts screech to a sudden halt as I see him with a pretty blonde that's hanging on his arm.

            "Oh, Rory; I'm glad you're home.  I want you to meet Jill."  He's smiling that genuine smile that I've never seen before with a date.  He's smiling like he does when we hang out; he's never done that before with anyone but me.

            An unfamiliar emotion surges through my veins…jealously.  If only I had told him a couple of weeks, heck, maybe a couple of days earlier, this would have been a lot easier.  I can't tell him now, can I?  My timing can be really bad when it comes to making monumental decisions in my life.

            Irony is the ever present theme of my life these days…Jess is that shiny red bike and Jill is that have-it-all neighbor Beth from many years ago.

AN: I hope that you're not screaming too loud at your computer monitor since I introduced a new girl in Jess's life; but I don't want him to just be there waiting for her with open arms the moment she realizes her true feelings; that's not always the true case in real life..  But don't worry; this is still a **Literati story.  Things will work out.**


	9. Approval

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 9:  Approval

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer:  Zero, Zilch, Zip.

AN:  Thanks for staying with me all this time.  I really appreciate all of you taking the time to read this.  When I started to write fan fiction, I swore to myself that lack of reviews would not cease my writing because I know there are people who just like to lurk, and yet read everything…actually, I'm one of those people; but all these reviews have made me so freaking happy and it makes writing easier and faster.  So, thanks again for your enthusiasm. 

FYI: **Important**:  For those who read chapter 8 as soon as I had posted will have read the version in which I accidentally named Jess's new girlfriend Kate.  I had not noticed that I also named Tyler's best friend the same…Jess's new gal's name has been changed to JILL.  Note the change, or it might get a little confusing.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            I can't move.  My feet are nailed to the ground.  This is not happening; my world is not spinning away from me just as I was able to figure things out.  How could I screw up so badly? 

            "Rory? Hey, you okay?"  Jess seems pretty concerned about me and I decide to put up a good face just as long as she's here. 

            "Oh, yeah.  Sorry, I just kinda spaced out there.  I'm sorry, what was your name again?"  Yep, that's good Rory…make yourself look like a fool in front of Jess's new girlfriend.

            I see him wrapping an arm around her waist as she steps forward extending a hand of friendship towards me.  "I'm Jill."  She smiles oh-so sweetly at me and I can't help but think that she's unlike any other girl Jess has ever dated.  She actually seems friendly and seems like someone I would get along with.  

            I shake her hand and try to smile through the tears that are building up at the back of my throat.  "Hi, it's nice to meet you."

            I drop her hand as gently as possible and I rock back and forth on my heels trying to think of something to say.  I glance over at Jess and he just seems so happy.  Why must he seem so happy with her?  "So, how long have you and Jess been friends?  He's told me so much about you; he just couldn't wait for us to meet."  I hate how she's so realistically sincere.  

            "Oh, Rory and I have been friends for five years now."  He walks over and places his arm around my shoulder, "Anyways, I just wanted you to meet my best friend.  We better get going, Jill, we don't wanna be late for the movie."  Just as soon as he placed his arm on me, it's gone just as fast.

            "Right; you guys don't wanna miss the previews.  'Cause I've heard that there are some pretty good previews going on the movies now…you better get going or else the popcorn might be stale and you know how bad popcorn can throw off a good movie…"  I trail off as they give me a quick wave and they shut the door behind them.

            Was I just rambling about previews and bad popcorn to them?  God, I'm lame.

--------------------------------------------

            "So, you just stood there like an idiot in front of the new girl?"

            "I didn't just stand like an idiot…I talked, I rambled."

            "Oh, Rory.  I'm sorry this is happening but look on the bright side."

            Disbelief enters my voice as I speak into the handset, "What bright side, Mom?  I think this is the darkest side there is.  There is no sun, there is no light…nothing!"

            "Calm down honey; I'm sure I can find a bright side here somewhere.  Um, I'm thinking…let me just put on my thinking cap here.  Oh, I've got it!  When they break up, you'll be the shoulder that he leans on.  And in the mean time, you can observe him to see if he's boyfriend material and if you really are in love with him."  She sounds proud; I can hear the smile that's radiating through the phone.  "Oh, I'm sorry to cut you off Rory, but I have to get to work okay?  Call me tonight or something and we can sit and watch You've Got Mail and wish how all the men are as charming as Mr. F-O-X."

            "Sure Mom.  See ya."  I'm feeling a little bit better now.  Maybe Mom was right, I could be just blowing this new relationship out of proportion; Jess has never had a real long-lasting relationship, why should this one be any different than all the other girls that he's been with?

--------------------------------------------

            "Ror?  Rory?"  I groggily open my eyes and I see that Jess is hovering over me with the t.v remote in his hand.  I must have fallen asleep after the movie and the extremely long chat with Mom.  "Hey there.  You better go to your bed or else tomorrow you're going to have a bad kink in your neck."

            As I'm sitting up he scoots me over and relaxes on the couch with me.  I take a moment to take in what he's wearing and I can't help my let my thoughts and eyes wander all over his body.  His hair is messy in the usual way, and his black jacket does nothing to hide the fact that he works out.  He seems really comfy in the casual jeans and the black Converses that adorn his feet.  Well, at least I know he didn't take Jill to some fancy place for an impressive swanky dinner or something.  

            "So, what do you think of Jill?"  This is my chance; maybe if I tell him what's really on my mind, he'll forget all about Jill since that relationship is so new. 

            I try to gather up my courage to tell him that I love him and to forget about his new girlfriend.  I glance up into his eyes to begin my speech and then it happens.  I see that he's really happy.  I've never really seen Jess quite as delighted as I do now.  My heart breaks at the thought that I might dispel the joy that he has by saying a couple of words.  I just can't do it.  I love Jess, but he was my friend first, and I just can't hurt him like that.  I lie through my teeth once again as I utter the painful words, "I think she's great." 

            His face lights up with excitement as he received my approval.  "That's great Ror.  I'm so glad that you like her; it'd be really hard if my best friend didn't get along with my girlfriend.  Thanks Rory, this means a lot to me."  He gives me a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek silently thanking me again for accepting his new relationship.  As we lean back on the couch, he turns on some late night talk show and I look over at him and see that his smile has not left his face.  He shifts his head and throws me a glance and says, "Thanks for being a great friend, I love you Rory."

            I love you too Jess.  I'm smiling at him, but I know I'm doing nothing but crying on the inside.  I think Jess is actually in love; and then I come to the sad conclusion that I want him to be happy, and if Jill is the one that makes him happy, then I'll let her be the lucky one to be by his side.

AN:  More to come, don't worry.  Keep reading.  For the You've Got Mail reference: for those that haven't seen the movie, Tom Hanks' character has a really young half brother (or something to that degree) and this little kid spells out his last name to Meg Ryan, and all he does for a couple of minutes is say, F-O-X.  It's a pretty comical scene.


	10. Liberty

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 10: Liberty

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer:  Nothing but the extra boyfriends and girlfriends.

AN:  Okay, I promise you **BIG** things in this chapter.  I think all of you will be thoroughly pleased with it.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            I miss him.  It's been almost five months since I've met Jill; five agonizing long months of masking my feelings.  I don't even know how I got through it; but I remember lots of coffee and phone calls to Mom and to Lane.  Mom thinks that I should wait it out; although she loves Jess like the annoying son she never had, she's still weary about her only daughter falling so hard for him.  She believes that because my feelings are so strong, I won't know how to deal with them in a time of crises.  But what can my feelings be anything but the intense love that I feel for him?  Lane, on the other hand is rooting for something more proactive.  She thinks I should just march up to him and tell him to forget all about that new arm candy of his.  Although I really want to every time I see him walking around the apartment or when we watch movies together and he pulls me close to him, I just can't seem to gather enough courage to do such a thing.  However, it's still fun to talk to Lane and listen to all her crazy schemes of avenging Jess.  I know I can always count on her for some great chit-chat.  I think about those days when I used to crawl through her window because we were afraid of her mom and we would talk for hours over a new cd in her closet.  I remember the day that we left for separate colleges; she was going to Seattle and our tearful goodbyes reminisced all the fun times that we shared long before college ever entered our minds.  She left a week before me and I felt so alone and in lack of a friend; Jess was there to keep an eye on me and to help me pack.  Then he broke the news to me that he was also going to college.  I was so proud of him; and after a year of many phone calls to Mom, Lane, and especially Jess, I decided it was time for an apartment of my own.  But I knew that I couldn't afford the rent by myself and so I asked Jess to live with me.  

            Now, I look around the apartment and see nothing but memories.  I walk over to the little end table by the couch and pick up some of the picture frames.  There's a heavy silver one that holds one of my favorite pictures of me and Jess.  It was during a summer day that we were roaming the streets of New York.  Out of the blue we decided to be tourists and we went to go see the sights.  We were on a ferry and I was snapping pictures to send to Mom when I asked an elderly couple to take our picture.  I decided to make it fun and I jumped on his back and the picture captures rare genuine smiles on both our faces as he holds my legs to his waist and as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.  You can see the Statue of Liberty in the background with the typical New York skyscrapers.  I peer at the other various pictures; one of Mom and I, one of Jess with his arm around me in our cap and gowns, and lastly I come to the newest addition on the collage of pictures.  It stands out because it's a picture of Jess and Jill with their arms around each other's waist.  I turn it around so I don't have to look at it as I turn the t.v on.  God, I miss him.

--------------------------------------------

            The door slams, startling me as I nearly jump off the couch.  Jess is rapidly walking to his room while struggling to remove his coat.  "Jess?"  No response.  I wonder what's wrong.

            I cautiously walk over to his room and knock slightly to get his attention.  "Yea?"  I hear him shouting above to loud tones of The Distillers.  I open the door and see that his lying on his bed just staring at the ceiling.

            Carefully I ask, "Hey, what's wrong?"

            "Nothing, everything is just peachy keen.  Can't you tell?  I'm practically on cloud-nine."  He's seething; I haven't seen him so angry since that time this drunken guy hit on me at a club and wouldn't leave me alone.  Jess had gotten so angry; he almost punched the guy if I didn't persist that we leave.

            "Okay then.  Do you want some pizza?  I have some leftovers."  I can tell that he doesn't want to talk about whatever's bugging him and from my many years of Jess-experience, I know better than to pry it out of him because he only retreats further into his sullen façade when someone tries to dig information out of him.

            "I'm not hungry.  God, can't you just leave me alone?"  

            That simple word stings me and although I know that he didn't mean them, knowing that doesn't help.  All I wanted was to be a friend for him and all he does is snap at me.  I don't move for a couple of seconds while I bite my lip and try to take deep breaths so that I won't cry in front of him for his rude comment.  He glances over at me and I can tell that remorse has entered his cloudy eyes.  He can tell that he has hurt me and he seems more distraught about it then anything else that's bothering him.  Walking over Jess pulls me into a hug and whispers, "I'm sorry Rory.  I didn't mean that; I'm just kinda going through something right now.  I didn't mean to hurt you."

            Nodding into his shoulder, all is forgiven and he pulls back as inquires, "Now, where is that pizza you were talking about?  I am hungry now I think about it."  He tries to smile and I lead him into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge.

---------------------------------------------

            Five slices and two cans of Coke later, we're just sitting at the dinner table with me twiddling my thumbs and him trying to balance a partially-filled can on its rim.  I clear my throat and gently request, "What happened?"

            He stops playing with the Coke and rubs his hand on his face trying to contemplate an answer.  "Jill and I had a fight."

            "Oh."  I wasn't expecting that as an answer; everything seemed going so good that it made me sick.  Trying to remain neutral in tone I pursue, "About what?"

            Finally looking into my eyes he tells me.  "She wants me to move in with her."

            I'm utterly shocked.  I don't know what to say; sure I hated her in the way that everyone hates the girlfriend of the guy they want, but now I really dislike her with a passion.  She already got to date Jess, wasn't that enough?  No, she has to go and rip out the last connection that I share with him—our home.  I slowly mumble, "What did you tell her?"

            "I told her that I couldn't because we've only known each other for five months.  I can't just move in with someone that I barely know.  Then she got all mad about it like I didn't want to commit to anything, and then it just blew up from there.  She accused me of dating her with no real intentions of a future; but I insured her that I really wanted our relationship to go somewhere.  I just told her that I'm not ready to live together; it's such a big step."

            I'm somewhat relieved that he so adamantly refused the idea but my thoughts of relief are cut short when I hear him say, "But then she said that it was either that or nothing; and I just can't stand to loose her.  She's basically my first real, intense, long-lasting relationship and I think I love her…so I think I'm going to do it."  A minute ago, he had refused to do it; but his face changed as he processed the information.  He actually looks like he wants it to happen.

            My eyes widen to the size of our white plates in front of me as I yell, "What?!  You can't move in with her.  Can't you see that she pushed this on you because she's trying to manipulate you into her own little relationship scheme?"  I couldn't help it; I just couldn't stand there while I loose all chances of being with him.  I had decided to play the sidelines while he dated Jill, but I'm not going to stay back while he makes this huge step without knowing that I love him.

            The chair screeches on the wooden floor as he gets up and scolds, "Rory!  Watch it, just because you're my best friend it doesn't give you the right to accuse my girlfriend of something like that.  I've never done that with your boyfriends; even when I knew that something was wrong, all I did was be there for you.  I've never insulted them.  You've crossed the line, Rory."

            "Jess!  How can you just make this huge step of moving in with this girl while you just admitted that you barely know her?"

            "What's wrong with you?  I thought that after all these years of telling me that I don't have steady relationships, you'd be happy that I finally found a girl that I want to take this step with.  Yeah, I just said that we don't know each other like you and I know each other, but Jill and I can do that while we're living together.  You know, all these years I always thought that when I finally found that girl, you'd be there supporting my decision.  What's gotten into you?  You're not who I thought you were, Rory.  You're acting like you're almost jealous; it's not like I'm not going to be your best friend if we don't live together anymore."

            How can he say that?  He knows exactly who I am; it's him that I can't seem to find.  The Jess that I knew a couple months ago would never jump into a situation with careful thought.  I just let the floodgates open as I pour me feelings out in the form of a shout.  "That's just it Jess!  I don't want to be your best friend anymore.  It's not enough for me.  Do you think it's easy to watch you parade around with that girl for five months while all I can do is sit at home thinking how much I want to be the girl that you hold, the girl that you kiss goodnight?  And do you know what kills me the most?  That night when you brought Jill home, I was planning on telling you that I loved you; not in the best friend kinda way, but in the way that I want to be your girlfriend.  Why do you think that I got over Tyler so quickly?  It wasn't because I could let go so easily, it was because I finally realized that I loved you!  There I said it, I love you and there's nothing I can do but stand on the side and watch you, while knowing that I can't have you."

            Tears are constantly streaming down my face as I ready myself to face the rejection that is about to come.  I see through my hazy sight that he's just standing there steadfast in his position.  I can tell that he's more than shocked.  He swallows and licks his lips as he questions, "You really love me?"

            Nodding my head I can't bear to look at him anymore.  I cross my arms over my chest feeling extremely cold right now.  Gathering everything I have left I manage one last look at him and I see him quickly walking over to me.  My eyes are wide in anticipation as he marched right up to me and takes my face into his hands and lowers his lips onto mine.  My entire being is on fire as I release my hands and wrap them around his neck.  He's kissing me with a passion that I've never known and as he silently asks for permission by tracing his tongue lightly along the edge of my lips, I finally surrender everything and open up myself to the new found feeling that he's igniting inside of me.  His hands are tangled in my brown hair and if he wasn't supporting me, I know I'd be a puddle of mush on the floor.  I'm loosing track of time as his lips are still caressing mine with such gentleness that I never thought he possessed.  It finally happened; and it feels so liberating.

AN:  Ah, finally!  Was the wait worth it?  I felt that ten chapters were long enough to wait; I mean I was getting impatient for me to get them to finally kiss.  Tell me what you think; I really want to know especially with the recent developments.


	11. Spin

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 11:  Spin

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer:  Nothing, Nada, Nil.

AN:  First and foremost: for the readers that felt compelled by last chapter I thoroughly enjoyed all of your wonderful remarks.  As for the few of you that asked the question of Jill—my answer is that I'm not done with her character yet.  Jess's kiss was supposed to be impulsive, and I hope that you were able to perceive that through chapter 10.  Lastly, for the couple of readers that left me reviews that were paragraphs long—I enjoyed and was moved by your reviews so much that I just couldn't leave the weekend without writing another chapter.  I was touched by your many words of encouragement and of praise and I thank you for them.  Thank you so much for everyone who has taken the time to read this story.  

Side Note:  In response the review about the issue of sex—my answer is that as for Rory, I'll leave it up to the reader to decipher whether or not she and her past boyfriends slept together.  As for Jess, since this is told from Rory's point of view, you won't find out unless she thinks about it or if they would have a future conversation about it.  As for the last question of how Rory and Jess's relationship will progress (mainly into sex or not) well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see; but do notice that this story is rated Pg-13, and do realize that I set it at that rating since the beginning for a specific reason.  As adults in this story, these characters cannot escape the situations and questions that come with maturity.  

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

I'm speechless…I am actually without words.  The kiss is slowly coming to its end and his hands are still in my hair and wrapped around my back.  He pulls back slightly but then leans forward so that our foreheads are touching.  I can't seem to control my breathing, it's erratic at best and my heart is pumping like I just ran a marathon.  I force myself to open my eyes and look at him but I find it hard because I don't want to wake up to find this all a dream.  The last five minutes have been the most amazing ones of my life and I don't want to open my eyes back to reality.  He's staring at me and I can tell he's also wondering if all of this really happened.

"Rory; what just happened?"  His voice is hoarse and is sounds like he just woke up in the middle of the night.  He's still staring at me; it's almost like his eyes are searching for a hidden answer or for a question that he doesn't how to ask.

I lick my lips; they're suddenly extremely dry.  "Um…I think we just kissed."  A grin slowly starts to spread across my face and within a couple seconds, it has grown to a full out smile.  I just can't help it; it seems that the world is finally going in my direction.

He suddenly lets go of me and I feel oddly empty without his arms.  My smile drops with his piercing words, "Rory…I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me.  It's just when I heard you say that you loved me, something came over me.  God, so many years I've wanted you to realize that I was the one that was right for you; but instead I just got stuck mending your broken heart.  I waited so many long nights for you to come to your senses and see that we were meant to be together…but now?  Why did it have to be now?  Timing's really bad, Ror.  I can't just always be there waiting for you.  I'm still with Jill and for the first time in my life I actually found someone that wasn't you that could understand me.  I'm sorry Rory I just can't be here, in this apartment right now."

He walks over and grabs his coat and just shuts the door behind him softly.  I'm still standing here in the middle of the room.  I don't know what to do; one moment, I'm ecstatic and the next, I'm at an all-time low.  How could I never realize that all those years ago he still had feelings for me?  I just always thought that after a couple years, he just thought of me as a friend and nothing more.  Is that why his girlfriends never lasted?  Man, I'm a fool.  Tyler was right; my love is next door, but I didn't realize in time.  I think I just lost my chance with Jess.  I was wrong; the world isn't going in my direction—it's spinning upside down.

---------------------------------------------

            "Hello?"

            "I just did something really, really stupid…I mean, this is beyond the ten on the stupid meter.  Remember the time when I thought that I could fly and decided to jump out of that large tree…well, if I actually had the guts to do it back then, this would be even stupider than jumping out of the large oak tree."

            "Rory, slow down; I'm sure that whatever you've done can be fixed."

            "Mom, I just told Jess that I'm in love with him."

            There's silence on the phone; I can sense that Mom's speechless too.  She never thought that I would have it in me to actually confess my feelings to him; and she was right, I should have never spilled my guts.  

Her teasing voice crackles through the phone, "Honey, why are you talking to me?  Shouldn't you be making out with your new lover boy by now?  I'm sure he didn't just leave you hanging."

            "We kissed, but then he left because he basically told me that I had my chance but now that he's with Jill, I've completely lost any opportunity with him."  I can't help the fresh tears that are spilling out of my eyes and onto the phone.  I don't remember ever crying about a boy until recently when I've been crying about Jess.  God, why does he have to be irresistible and so freaking amazing?

            I can tell that she knows I'm serious and that this isn't the time to joke about anything. "Rory, don't get yourself worked up too much okay?  Everything's going to turn out fine; I can feel it; call it a mother's intuition.  Believe me, that boy has spent too many years pining for you to give up this opportunity."  Mom's voice is soothing through the phone and it makes me long for a time where we would be talking face to face and not through the telephone.  I want to just lay down on her lap with her stroking my hair telling me that everything's going to be alright.  But now that I've grown up, I don't find the comfort that I used to find in Mom's promises.  Does she really know that it's going to end up fine?  I want to believe her so badly, but a part of me can't find solace in her seemingly empty promises.

            "Mom, can I talk to you later?  I kinda want to be alone right now."  

            "Yeah, sure Honey.  Why don't you call me when you feel like it and we'll talk about whatever you want to.  Remember that I'm always here, just a phone call away, okay?  I love you."

            "Love you too Mom."

---------------------------------------------

            I grab my favorite blanket and drag it across the floor to the couch where I plan to wait for Jess to come home.  I can't stand the fact that we didn't end on a good note; I want to clear the air, and whether or not we'll maintain just being friends will be his ultimate call.  I don't want to interfere with his decision because I've come to realize that no matter how hard I try, I can't change the world.  I can't have everyone wrapped around my little pinky and even though Jess means the world to me—I can't stand loosing him as a friend.

I watch as the clock ticks to the hour of one.  I've been waiting for four hours and nothing—not a call, not a word, nothing.  He still hasn't come home yet and I can't help but assume that he went back to Jill.  Just because I've come to terms with the fact that I might loose Jess, it doesn't make the process any easier.  Fatigue is tugging at the lids of my eyes and I can't help but close them for a couple of minutes to let the weary day release from my body in the form of slumber.  How could things go so wrong in the matter of hours?

---------------------------------------------

            I struggle to open my eyes and I nearly scream seeing that someone is kneeling next to me on the couch; but I swallow my shock when my eyes adjust and I see that it's just Jess next to me.  Sitting up slightly I push back the blanket and I try to read his eyes.  To my dismay, he won't allow me to see any emotion.  I feel like a teenager again, wondering what a boy is thinking about.

            He starts to speak and I can't help but notice that his voice is heavy with exhaustion.  "Rory, I was wrong.  When I told you that I finally found someone that understood me as good as you, I was making a mistake.  I realize that nobody knows me as good as you…"  He gazes back at me intensely and his stare is so powerful that it almost makes me want to look away, but I don't.  I fix my eyes on him and he continues, "When I heard you say that you loved me, you have no idea what it felt like to me.  It was like, after all these years you finally noticed me; not just as your best friend or as a confidant, but as someone you love.  I felt like I was actually good enough for you."

            My heart breaks at his last comment.  How could he ever feel that he wasn't good enough for me?  Cautiously, I slide down next to him on the floor, waiting for him to finish.

            "When I left tonight, I didn't know what to do.  On one hand, I thought I had the perfect girlfriend and the perfect relationship.  But then I remembered that perfect isn't real…what I have with you is real.  Actually, what I _want with you is real.  There's no chance in hell I'm going to let you go Ror.  I'm not letting you slip out of my reach…not this time."_

            If I thought that I couldn't cry anymore, I'd be completely wrong.  I scoot closer to him and climb in his lap as I wrap my arms around him.  He engulfs me into a compelling hug that reassures me that he really meant what he just confessed.  He pulls out of our hug and brings up a hand to stroke my cheek.  I smile at his gentleness.  I contain my giggle as I look at him and realize that I am actually sitting here in his lap with him touching my face.  "Rory, you know that there's no way that we'll ever be just friends anymore right?  Our relationship has changed and I need to know before anything else happens that you're okay with it."

            Still smiling I reply, "Yeah, I know."

            "Good."  He's smirking and it seems like forever since I've seen him do that.  He's tugging on my sweatshirt and he leans closer to me to seal our agreement.  The first touch of our lips is even better than the one before.  This kiss is full of promise and excitement.  I tangle my hands in his hair and I smile when he groans at my touch.  Who ever knew that I could make Jess groan with a simple touch?  He responds with trailing kisses down to my neck and then back up again.  As we meet again, our kiss has become more passionate than I could ever imagine.  We move back up to the couch and without another word spoken, we continue our kiss.

            Maybe I don't need the world to spin my way…I'm okay with it spinning upside down.

AN: Don't worry, I'm not done.  There's more to come.  Aren't you happy that they're finally together?  Heaven knows that I am.  Anyways, I always appreciate reading what you guys have to say; and if you have a question or anything, feel free to email me.  Thanks for reading…drop me a line.


	12. In the Making

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 12: In the Making

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer:  Nothing but miscellaneous characters sporadically thrown in to further the story.

AN:  I'm glad that so many of you keep with this story even though for about eleven grueling chapters, I had Rory and Jess's potential relationship hang in the balance.  I just wanted the reader to see their foundation of friendship before their leap into a romantic relationship.  To answer the question of how many chapters there'll be—I do not have a set amount.  As long as I see that the chapters fit into these AU characters, then I'll keep them coming.  However, don't expect this to turn out into like fifty chapters or something, because the other day I had another idea for a story and I would like to explore that plot line also.  But, as long as I can keep this going, I'll keep writing to this story.  I cannot fully expressed my gratitude for the time you've taken out of your day to sit down and read this; it means a lot to me and it makes this writing process a whole lot more rewarding.

**FYI**:  I won't be home starting April 12-20, so there will no additional chapters added in that period of time.  Please don't expect to see chapter 13 until mid-20'ish because I still have my SAT classes and I've got a speech coming up on Kurt Vonnegut.  However, you never know; if I get really inspired I might be able to write something really fast and I'll get it out as soon as I can.  Thanks; and I'm sorry for the short sabbatical of this story.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            Have you ever been in bed and it was just so freaking comfy that you never wanted it to get up?  You know what I'm talking about; that feeling that you get when you wake up and the blankets are curled around you just right and you feel so refreshed.  Well, even without the bed, this old couch feels like that to me now.  It's five in the morning and I've been staring at Jess for the last twenty or so minutes.  His face is so cute; he has this look of pure contentment mixed in with a small furrow of his brow.  After we made out last night—I still can't grasp that idea—we fell asleep on the couch with his arms wrapped around me.  I don't think I've ever been this happy.  He shifts slightly on the cushions but his arms are still tight around my waist as if he's afraid I'll fall off the couch.  Without getting too sappy for this earlier hour, let's just say that it's cute of him to want to protect me even in his sleep.

            He stirs slightly and slowly cracks an eye open to look down at me.  Smiling lazily he mumbles, "So this is what it feels like, huh?"

            "What?"  I scoot up so that I can rest my head more comfortably on his chest.

            "What it feels like to wake up next to you but then to be able to do this…"  He bends down and drops a light kiss on my lips.  He barely even touched me but it felt great.

I'm about to reply with a grin but the ringing of the phone breaks the moment.  He lifts an eyebrow in question for the early call as he asks, "Expecting a call?"

            "I don't think so."  I reach for the phone and as I sit back on the couch to ask who it is Jess has pushed himself into an upright position behind me.  "Hello?"

            "Rory; what happened?  I thought you would call; I've been worried sick about you."  It's Mom and I can tell that she assumed the worst when I didn't call her back like I would usually do.

            "Oh, Mom I'm so sorry.  I just totally forgot to call you; but I'm okay, everything's fine."  I try to explain myself for the panic that I can hear radiating from Mom's voice as Jess pulls me back so that I'm sitting in between his legs.  I try to contain my giggle but it's hard since he has his arms around me and is now kissing my neck from behind.

            "That's alright Rory I was just worried about what happened.  So, everything's alright huh?  How alright?"  I can hear her raised eyebrow and smirk even over the telephone.  Mom's just dying to get some juicy gossip.

            "Hold on, let me go to my room.  Don't hang up."  I want to tell Mom all the girl details in the privacy of my own room.  Not that I don't love Jess, I just don't want to be spilling out all the mushy stuff with him right next to me.

            Turning around I smile apologetically at him and whisper, "I'm sorry, but I've got to fill my Mom in on everything or she'll keep calling every five minutes."  I kiss him briefly and I throw the blanket aside as I get up and walk across the floor.  

            As I almost reach my door I hear him yell out, "You better make it up to me."

            Smiling, I turn around and see that he has a cocky smirk in place and I nod at him.  Finally in the comfort of my bed, I climb in and begin all the luscious details with Mom.

-----------------------------------------------

            "So does this mean that you two are together now?"  Gwen, my study partner has become a great friend whenever I've been down at school.  She always has her extended notes from class and sometimes she reminds me of Paris, without the abrasive character.  Gwen's really focused on her academics and she's still fun to hang around.  As I got into my Politics class this morning, she bombarded me with questions of the goofy smile I had on my face.  She's hung out with me and Jess on occasion and she used to tease me about how I couldn't see that Jess and I were meant to be together.  Gwen had a slight crush on Jess when she first met him, but then banished the thought when she felt that Jess and I were soul mates.  At the time I adamantly denied it and I even set her and Jess up on a date; but it didn't go any further than that one date.  However, even after that, we all still remained friends.

            "I don't know.  We didn't really get the chance to really talk about it, you know?"

            "Yeah, I guess…since you two were probably too busy doing other things with your mouth."  She grins up at me and I'm in shock that a relatively reserved girl like her would say such a thing.  We laugh and proceed to walk out of the history building.  As I push the door open to go out into the freezing cold of winter, I pull my coat closer to my body; but before I could take another step on the stairs, I notice a familiar face on the stoop leaning there with a smile.

            "Jess! What are you going here?"  Without a second thought I launch myself into his arms and give him a fierce hug. 

            He pulls back slightly with a smile and uttered, "I came to pick you up.  We didn't really get the chance to talk much and I was wondering if you would want to go to lunch with me."  Reaching for my hand he realizes that I'm not alone.  Turning slightly he inquired, "Gwen, do you want to join us?"

            Without hesitation she replied, "Nah, I don't want to be the third wheel.  Maybe some other time though.  I'll see you two later."

            "Bye."  Although I wouldn't have minded if she came along, I'm thankful for her thoughtfulness to let Jess and I have some time alone.

            Tugging gently on my hand he pulls me out of my thoughts and we silently walk to the café across the street from the campus.  I eaten there so many times it feels like a second home to me.

            The little bell jingles on top of the door signifying our entrance and it almost feels like I'm stepping into Luke's instead.  I love that little bell at his diner and I wish that we were back in Stars Hallow right now.  Jess chooses our regular table—off to the side, secluded and yet we can still see everything that's happening around us.

            I feel a little nervous right now and I can't say exactly why but it feels like our first date.  Even though we've eaten here for years, I still can't get over the recent fact that we're not just best friends.  Noticing that my thoughts are cloudy, Jess ducks down to look at my eyes from across the table to ask, "What's wrong?"

            "Nothing; this just feels a little weird to me.  It's not that I don't want to be here, I'm just not really sure how to act now."  I hope he doesn't think that I regret this whole relationship—thing.

            "Let's just take it one step at a time, okay?  We'll be like, friends, with benefits."  Laughing, the somber mood is broken and I'm glad when we move onto topics such as how our day has been.

            After thirty minutes and two burgers later, we just sit back with a mug of coffee in our hands.  Silence has fallen upon our conversation but it's comforting, nothing awkward

---------------------------------------------

             Today has been long and by the time we step into our apartment, I'm dead tired.  We head towards the couch to watch some TV but then I think about the dilemma that will come up shortly.  Since we're together now and we still live together, how will the arrangement of sleeping factor in?  I mean, we just got together last night and even though I love him, I don't think I'm ready to have sex with Jess just yet.  Not that I don't want it to happen, it's just that I want to get to know him better first.  I hope that he won't feel like I'm trying to push him away or something to that degree.  

            Knowing that there's no way to be sure but to ask him, I timidly question, "Uh…Jess, can we talk for a second?"

            Putting the TV on mute, he shifts on the couch to look at me and to give me his attention.  "Yeah sure, what is it?"

            I tuck my hair behind my ear and I think he can tell that I'm nervous.  It's a habit that I can't seem to shake, just like how I blink a lot when I lie.  "I was just thinking…you know, since this whole relationship thing is new, I don't want there to be hidden expectations.  What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that I'm not ready to, you know…with you just yet."

            Smirking, he gestures with his hand as if asking where I'm going with this conversation.  When I don't reply except for the lifting of my eyebrows, he verified with, "You mean you're not quite ready for sex?"

            "Yeah that's what I was trying to say.  It's not that I don't want to, it's just too soon, I think."  I'm blushing wildly now but I don't want to just gloss over the situation.  "I just meant, that with our current living situation, I don't want there to be confusion."

            "Don't worry Rory we won't do anything that you're not ready for."

            With a breath of relief, I'm glad that our conversation has come to an agreement.  I lean back into his arms and just as the red tint on my cheeks is disappearing, he suddenly teases me.  "But I am glad that you're not in denial about wanting to jump my bones."  

            I give him a slap on his chest for such a remark and after his low laughter has subsided, we just enjoy each other's company in the silence of the TV. 

AN: I hope that I've answered some questions here especially with the physical aspect of their relationship.  Like I mentioned before, they are adults and the will deal with whatever comes with a more mature relationship—i.e. sex; I've wrote Rory's feelings on it for now, but obviously, she'll change her feelings as she and Jess grow closer.  As for Jill…I'm not done with her yet, I plan on having her make an appearance some time soon.  I didn't exactly make it crystal clear from the last chapter, but when Jess left briefly, his character would have most likely gone to break up with her off camera.  I was limited by my choice of Rory's point of view and because of that the reader was not able to 'see' the breakup.  Thanks for reading.  Let me know what you think…I always appreciate reading another's thoughts or feelings.


	13. Primetime

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 13: Primetime

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing

AN: I apologize for the lapse in time between the last chapter and this one.  Thanks for everyone that wished me a safe and fun trip.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            "You're what?!"

            "I know I was totally shocked when I heard.  I still can't believe it, Babe."

            "Mom, I'm so happy for you guys.  Oh Mom, Jess just got home; can I be the one to tell him?"

            "Yeah, sure honey.  I'll talk to you later."

            I hit the off button on the phone and I bolt across the room and throw my arms around Jess.  Surprised by my actions he stumbles to absorb the impact of my launch as he laugh at my excitement.  "Whoa, where's the fire?"

            "Jess, we're going to be related."  My smile is so big that it's hurting my cheeks to grin so much.

            He makes the usual face of half-grimace whenever someone points out the fact that our family's relationships are weird.  "Rory, that's not news.  Lorelai and Luke got married about a year and a half ago."

            "No Jess; we're going to be distantly blood-related now!"

            "You mean that your Mom is pregnant?"  His eyes are lighted with amusement because we've talked about how weird it would be if one day Luke and Mom would have a kid together.  We always wondered about where that would put us in the craziness of our relationship.  

            "I know; isn't this whole thing absurd?  I couldn't believe it when she told me…but I guess it's true, they went to the doctor's office today to make sure."  I still can't believe that after all those years of dreaming that I would have a real family that it's finally coming true.  I'm going to have a Mom, a step-dad, and a little brother or sister on its way.  I feel like all those years of pain of separation that was caused by Dad is finally being healed with the coming together of a real family…a family, that's mine.

---------------------------------------------

            I feel like such a little kid waiting for Christmas morning.  I talked to Mom about three hours ago and I agreed that Jess and I would go down to visit her and Luke next weekend.  I'm so antsy in my bed right now that even at two in the morning I can't sleep.  With all this family talk, I briefly wonder about me and Jess.  Sure it's kinda silly that I would think about kids at the age of twenty-three but I just can't help myself imagining me with children of my own.  It's scary to think that the only person that I can see myself having kids with is Jess.  Of course Jess and I love each other, but we've only been together for less than five months.  I wonder if he thinks about the same things…about our future together.  

---------------------------------------------

            I patter across the room and gently turn the door knob to his bedroom.  I take the moment to just absorb the picture of him into my permanent memory.  After all these years of changing and of growing up, he still can't shake the appearance he possessed when he swaggered into the tiny town of Stars Hallow.  His hair is sticking up haphazardly in all directions while he still curls on his side on the right side of the bed.  I remember him telling me once that he's been doing that since he was little because he grew up with a couch that was made into his bed. Even though winter is making its way into the city with his chilling nights and breezy days, Jess can't get rid of his habit of only sleeping in his boxers.  He always preferred having a heavier comforter than putting on more clothes to sleep in.  

            I tug at the end of my ponytail while I ponder whether or not I should get in.  I decide to give him some company, so I gingerly lift up the edge of the navy comforter on the left side and slide in next to him.  I turn onto my side so that I'm looking directly at his sleeping figure.  His eyes are shut so tightly as if he wanted to block out everything but his dream.  I reach out a hand to run through his hair and as he gently stirs, I place a soft kiss on his lips.

            "Rory?"

            "Hey."

            "Is everything okay?"

            I nod but then follow it with, "can I stay here tonight?"  Something has come and taken a hold of me and as of now I'm willing to surrender to all the emotions that rush through my veins as Jess's eyes bore into mine.

            He scoots over and lifts up the blanket for me to crawl in.  As soon as I get comfy he slides closer and wraps his arms closer to mine to keep me warm.  I bury my face into his chest as I sigh and breathe in deeply the scent that is unique to only one person.  Realization dawns upon me as I think about how these last couple of months will the last of just the two Gilmore girls.  Soon there will be an addition and I'm sad to think that quality time with Mom will no longer be the same as it used to be.  Jess notices my change in demeanor and he questions my rush of emotions.  "Hey, what is it?"

            "You have to promise not to laugh or to make fun of me, okay?"

"Yeah sure."

"I'm just thinking about how I won't be Mom's little girl anymore; and before you even tell me how ridiculous I sound being jealous of a baby that isn't born yet, I already know that—but you asked what was wrong."  How can an adult of twenty-three be jealous of her little sibling that's on the way.  A couple hours ago I was elated that I was getting another family member but now all I'm worried about it the fact that I'll have to share Mom…I think I'm seriously bi-polar.  

            "Ror, it's okay to feel that way.  It's natural; granted most people have those feelings when their kids, but we all know that you're young at heart."  He tries to lightly tease me out of the somber mood and he accomplished his goal.  A small grin creeps out and tugs at the corners of my mouth.  Jess takes the opportunity to swoop in and drop a light kiss upon my lips at the moment.  

            "Thanks, I really needed that."  

            "You're welcome.  You know, there are some things that are good about being an older sister."  He leans on his elbow as he peers down at me while trying to cheer me up. 

            Playing along I ask, "Oh yea?  What's that?"

            "Well, you're old enough to drive so you could show him around and take him to all the cool places that his friends will all be jealous of.  And when he gets older and wants to party, you can be the one that provides him with a keg or two." 

            "Jess!  I would never give my younger sibling alcohol."  Smirking I know he's teasing me for being one that always follows the rules.  He never relents to egg me on about being a goody-two shoes.  

            "Of course there is that great thing about being able to relive your childhood with your brother or sister but then be able to do some adult stuff."  His eyebrow is cocked and I wonder where he's taking this conversation.  We both seem playful tonight and I decide to go along with whatever he's thinking about.

            "And what is that?"

            "This."  He leans down and kisses me hard on the mouth and as I moan unintentionally, he continues down my neck and further still until he hits the top of my tee-shirt.  "Rory?  Tell me to stop; I don't want to push you."  His voice is husky with the raw passion that he rarely lets himself show anyone else and I just can't bring myself to stop.  He feels so good and right now I want nothing but to completely give into him.

            "Jess, I want this to happen."

            With a methodical nod he grabs the hem of my shirt and slowly lifts it up while I raise my arms to help him along.  He takes his hands and releases my hair out of my ponytail.  My hair drops out of the holder and it splays across his arms as he tangles his hands into my brown locks.  I trail a palm down and around his chest as his breaths become more strained and heavy with the passion that surrounds us in his bedroom, I lean back onto his pillows as he hovers above me.  He takes the time to brush the hair out of me eyes and to trace every line of my face.  His one movement is so tender that it brings tears to me eyes knowing that he can be so gentle with one swipe of his fingers.  I bring my arms up and around his neck as I tug on him to lay down with me.

---------------------------------------------

            The only sound I hear is the gentle breathing of Jess behind me.  His arms are wrapped tightly around me as he plasters his chest to my back.  I lazily rub my palm up and down his arm as I gaze out the window.  I can see the normal city lights outside and even though New York is a buzz with night life the only thing that is in my mind is me and Jess and what transpired just a couple of hours ago.  My life may be hectic at times and it might confuse the hell out of me but right now nothing can shake this feeling of love that I feel.  

            The bed shifts a little as Jess buries his face further into the crook of my neck.  With a small clearing of his throat he mumbles, "Love you."

AN: Thanks for reading as always.  Drop me a line; I'd love to hear (actually read) your thoughts.  Have a nice day.


	14. Agitation

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 14: Agitation

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing

AN:  I had the pleasure of meeting **Keiko Agena** (Lane Kim) at the Festival of Books yesterday at UCLA, and after I got her to autograph my tee-shirt and my pictures with her, I must say that the hour and a half of inch by inch traffic was totally worth it.  It was one of the best days.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            "Jess, have you seen my really comfy black sneakers?!"  I frantically search for all the items that I need for our weekend in Stars Hallow as time ticks on, making it closer to the time that we must make the train.  True to Gilmore style, I didn't pack until the last minute so clothes and other vacation necessities are strewn about all over my room.  

            "Jess have you seen them?!"  I yell again thinking that he didn't hear me.  Contrary to my packing habits, Jess just came home an hour ago and sporadically threw in some clothes and a toothbrush in a small duffel and headed to the couch to watch re-runs of the A-Team.  Needless to say that not only am I fully stressed right now, but I'm also kinda jealous that he can just not care about what he packs.  

            "No I haven't seen them."  I hear his muffled reply and I peer around the corner to see what he's up to and I'm greeted by the sight of a couch potato that's munching on some chips while being deeply engaged by the antics of the characters on TV.  

            I lift an eyebrow even though he's not looking at me while I breathlessly ask, "Well then, can you help me look for them?"  I place my hands on my hips becoming increasingly annoyed at his behavior as if he'd spontaneously combust if his eyes left the TV set.

            "Um, can I help you when commercials come on?  I haven't seen this one."  Bits of chip crumbs fall from the bowl as he leans forward to examine the screen closer.

            "Jess, they're _all_ re-runs.  You can always catch that episode later; we have to catch the train in an hour."  Right now, I feel like I'm talking to a child.  Doesn't he realize that the show will always be there, but the train won't just wait for two missing passengers?

            Looking down at his watch, he absentmindedly replies, "Oh yeah I almost forgot about the time.  Well, you'd better hurry up with the packing."  Finally glancing at me he inquires, "Are you done packing yet?"

            My mouth hangs slightly open at that ridiculous question.  Ever since he got home, the only thing I've been doing is packing; and granted the facts that for the last five minutes I've been asking him to help me.  "Jess, have you not heard anything I've said?"  I can't help the sarcasm and condescending tone that slowly creeps into my voice.

            He tilts his head and furrows his forehead while replying, "What's that supposed to mean?  I've been listening to you.  You asked where your shoes where, but how would I know?  You have like, a million pairs, just wear some other ones."

            "No, I want to wear the black comfy ones.  I just asked if you would help me; that isn't too much to ask, is it?"

            He grabs the remote and pushes the mute button.  It's about time he actually gave me his attention to our conversation.  Exasperated he shoots back, "I just came home and I wanted to watch a little TV.  I don't understand you; why must you be so stubborn with a simple thing like shoes?"

            "It's not about wearing another pair of shoes, Jess.  The point is that I'm stressed and all I want is your help but you're too busy with your show to actually notice that your girlfriend needs assistance."  By now I'm getting thoroughly angry at how insincere he can be.

            "Damn it Rory; don't take me on a guilt trip here.  It's not like you're the only one here who can get stressed, you know?  Don't make it seem like I don't notice your feelings."  He stands up and gestures with his hands to make a point.  I think we've just progressed into our first real 'couple fight.'

            I quickly brush the hair out of my face while I try to compose my thoughts.  But I'm too late, words spew out of my mouth before I have the chance to think.  "It's not a guilt trip; and don't even start acting like you're the victim, Jess.  I know you can get stressed too; but it doesn't seem like you're doing a very good job of noticing what's going on around you."  I glance at the clock and I see that we only have enough time to get to the train station.  "Great, that's just great.  Well, it looks like I can't pack a single thing because instead of helping me, you just couldn't get your ass off the couch."

            Swiftly grabbing his bag he sneers, "Just grab the next train to Hartford.  It's not like there's only one train going into the city.  You always have to blow everything out of proportions, don't you?"  

            "What is wrong with you?  It's like you're speaking with complete disregard for me."

            "Never mind; I'll just see you in Stars Hallow."  He slams the door behind him and I can't help but feel completely helpless.  I don't feel inadequate in the way that I feel like I can't do anything by myself but I feel powerless to change my current situation.  

---------------------------------------------

            The little bell jingles above me signaling my entrance into the diminutive diner.  Looks are thrown my way as patrons scrutinize me as the outsider of the town.  I see some familiar faces but they don't seem to recognize me as quickly as I do them.  I feel so grown up and changed that it scares me to think that I've somewhat left behind my past of a small-town girl.  It's like I'm a different woman walking into this diner while I left years ago as an innocent girl seeking the world.  However, in the midst of temporary confusion, I see two recognizable faces.  Luke smiles broadly and for a second it throws me off balance.  Like his nephew, Luke seldom smiles with such enthusiasm.  Seeing him grin at me so genuinely only makes me remember that I'm in a fight with Jess.  I wonder where he is.

            "Rory, it's nice to see you."  Luke comes over and awkwardly approaches me.  Seeing his discomfort, I take the lead and wrap my arms around him for a hug.

            "It's nice to see you too Luke."  I smile but I can tell that he has picked up on my lack of usual fervor.  It looks as if he's about to ask me about it but he's cut off by a shout.

            "Little Gilmore!  Ahh, come here you."  Mom tries to get up as quickly as possible, but seeing as how she's having trouble, I dash to her side and hug her instead.  Being pregnant has sure caught up with her ability to move quickly.

            "Hey Mom, how are you doing?"

            "Oh, you know how it is.  I guess I'm doing okay, but this nazi over there won't let me have any coffee or caffeine."  She pouts and points over to Luke who gives her a glare for bringing up the subject of coffee.  I smile seeing how happy they both are underneath their faux banter.

            Luke places a mug of coffee in front of me and swats Mom's hand away as she tries to sneak the coffee pot away from his hands.  After Luke turns his back she tries to steal some of mine, but he notices before Mom could actually take a sip.  Settling into the stool, Mom and I talk about what's happening in town and about what's going on with us.  It's nice to feel like I'm young again with Mom at my side and right now I'm just concentrating on our conversation and not about my own troubles.

---------------------------------------------

            After discussing the new scandalous topic of Kirk's new found passion, painting nudes, Mom gently asks me what happened to Jess.  I don't exactly want to talk about it, but now I wonder exactly where he is.  He must have got on the train before me and he should have already arrived an hour before me.  I hope he's actually in town and not just wandering somewhere on the streets of New York.   I didn't want to fight with Jess but I just couldn't help saying all of those things.  

            "We kinda had a fight."  I grab my cup and take a sip while Mom looks on with sympathetic eyes.

            "What happened, Hon?"

            "It's so stupid; now that I think about it, we shouldn't have even spent more than five minutes talking about it."  Now I can't help but feel that we actually had a real fight and not just a temporary blow-out.  "Actually Mom, do you mind if I go out for a while?  I need to clear my head."

            "Sure, okay.  I'll just get us a movie and I'll see you at home."

            I thinly smile back and reply, "Thanks Mom."

--------------------------------------------

            Walking around the center of town I know that there's only one place where Jess would be if he actually is here—the bridge.  It holds so many memories for us and though he'd rarely admit it because he thought it was too cliché, I like to think of the bridge as our own special place.  I quickly trudge the dirt path that leads to the bridge and before I get to it, I see his hunched form dangling his legs over the edge swinging back and forth as if he were trying to kick the bridge.  He looks so sullen, like the typical Jess I would have thought of back when we were teens.  He takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh while running his hands through his hair.

            I gently step onto the wooden ground and silently sit by him.  I don't know what to say that it looks like he doesn't either.  I try to secretly peer at his eyes to try to gauge exactly how mad he is but his eyes are guarded, cloudy with emotion.  Time passes around us but it doesn't feel like it affects us.  I feel like we're sitting in the conjunction of time and space while I listen to the chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves from the trees above.  

            He takes a breath in and when he lets it out I hear him whisper, "I'm sorry."

            I release my breath that I didn't realize I was holding and I take his hand into mine while voicing similar sediments, "Me too." 

            We don't say anything else and I don't feel like we need to.  I scoot closer to him and as the sun begins to fall in front of our eyes, while casting a reflection of light across the water, he wraps an arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.  We still don't utter another word but I think we're done with our disagreement.  Darkness creeps into the sky and as the moon begins her watch over us we head on back to the house hand in hand.

AN: Um, drop me a line, would ya?


	15. Pendulum

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 15: Pendulum

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing

AN:  This AN shall serve as my deepest gratitude to the author whom I know as **Columbiachica**. Her amazing stories are some of the contributing factors to why I even started this journey of writing.  "The Luckiest" trilogy drove me to write in the AU category and "Both Sides Now" can still move me to tears even though I've read it about twenty-ish times. May this serve to thank you—whoever you are and wherever you are.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            The rain is falling steadily outside and it hits the roof creating a sort of tinkering music.  I slowly open my eyes and become aware that I'm in a different surrounding.  I look straight ahead and I'm greeted by the sight of stuffed animals and old school ribbons.  I try to turn to my other side but I'm stopped by Jess's sleeping form.  I'm finally fully awake now and I chuckle seeing the two of us cramped together in my old twin bed.  Last night after we came home from the bridge we just went into my room and spent the rest of the night together.  We're finding that time is a precious commodity that we don't seem to have enough of.  Graduation is approaching soon and we get caught up in the wave of work that must be completed in order for us to be launched into the working world.  Sometimes I wonder what will happen once we both start working.

            Gently peeling his arms off from around my waist I slip on his sweatshirt and pull on a pair of socks.  I've always loved the rainy weather; it always makes me want to curl up with a book and just read all day.  The door slightly creaks as it lets me through into the kitchen.  I swiftly make my way to the cabinet that holds the cherished coffee to start my day off with a fresh cup of java.  Flipping on the little button, it whirs to life and begins to putter and spit out the brown liquid.  I open the fridge to see what's left over and upon seeing that there's nothing worth eating, I grab a packet of pop-tarts and head towards the front door to get the morning paper.  I bend down to pick up the news and take a moment to observe the rain drenching the street in front of me.  Looking at nothing in particular, I tilt my head and contemplate about what I want to do today.  I'll probably just hang out with Mom some more since Jess and I will be leaving tonight.

            "Hey Early Bird, what are you staring at?"  Jess appears behind me in his checkered black and white boxers with a bemused smile on his face.

            "Hey you."  I wrap my arms around his neck and greet him with a long satisfying kiss.  He guides me back inside the house while still kissing me and by the time he has shut the door with his foot, we're starting to stumble back to my room.  His fingers have snuck their way to the bottom of the sweatshirt that I'm wearing and I can tell that he's about to pull it off when we hear a slight, "Ahem."

            Breaking away from his lips I turn to see Luke looking extremely embarrassed.  Right now, I feel like a kid again being caught kissing in my parents' house.  With a crimson hue creeping onto my cheeks, I meekly reply, "Hey Luke.  It's a great morning, huh?"  Jess is maneuvering his way behind me to hold me at my waist and I'm baffled by how unaffected he always seems about everything.  I turn around and shoot him a look but he just shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly and gives me a lopsided smirk.  

            I turn back to Luke when he asks, "It's raining; why would it be a great morning?"

            "Oh, I was just saying that because…well, um."  I'm at a loss for words and I can't seem to piece together a coherent thought.  Jess is running his hands around my hips and stomach underneath my shirt and I barely see Luke now since my sight is hazy with the emotions that are stirring inside of me.  

            Luke shakes his head at us with a slight smile and he inquires, "You guys want some breakfast?"

            "Yeah breakfast would be nice, sure that's good."  I slip out of Jess's arms and I try to avoid his gaze because I know that he's giving me that puppy-dog look for leaving him there.  I've got to remain somewhat in control or else we'd never leave the bedroom.

            "Hey Sweets!"  Mom waddles her way into the kitchen and gives Luke a kiss while she pats me on the head like a dog.  She giggles at me and sits across the table putting her game face on.  "So, I thought since that today it's all rainy and stuff, that we would just stay at home and watch some movies, pig out, and just basically veg.  Sound good?"

            "Sure Mom, whatever you want to do."  I smile at her and I'm grateful that we can spend some time together.  Once the baby and graduation arrives, who knows if we'll ever really get to spend some quality time together?

            "Is this like an all-girls event or can I join?  I don't have much to do since it is raining and since Taylor put the whole town on alert to guard their property. It doesn't look like I can have much fun this time."  

            "Sure Jess you can join.  Just get us an insane amount of junk food and we'll let you join in the festivities.  We can even paint your nails."  Mom claps her hand like one of those silly monkeys and her eyes are wide with anticipation.

            Jess shoots me a look that translates to 'Help me' but it's my turn to shrug nonchalantly and to give him one of my sweet, innocent smiles.  Besides, once Mom gets going on stuff like that there's no turning back until she wins.

---------------------------------------------

            Junk food, pizza, and soda can be seen sporadically placed at arm's length around the sofa and the TV.  Mom is lying down on the couch and I'm sitting in front of Jess between his legs as he idly draws random circles with his fingertips on my thigh.  I lean back with a small sigh of contentment and he smiles down at me and gently kisses my forehead.

            Mom catches the slight movement and childishly complains, "Hey, none of that kind of huggy-kissy business in my house.  Geez, Jess I never knew you could become so whipped."  She teases him but I can tell that deep down she's happy that I'm finally so cheerful in my relationship with a guy.

            "Yea, you know how it goes.  I guess it's just the Gilmore charm."  He throws Mom a confident smirk and turns back taking one of my hands into his.

            "Well, you know that we Gilmores are very charming ladies.  No one can compete."  She tosses her hair and bats her eyes like a damsel while she shoves a hand-full of M&M's into her mouth.

---------------------------------------------

            "So, does my Gilmore charm make you want to do anything for me?"  I give Jess my wide doe eyes with a minor pout of my lips.  

            "Almost anything."  He smiles down at me and we continue walking hand in hand down to the familiar path that leads to the bridge.  After the movie Mom fell asleep and as Luke helped her up to bed, Jess and I decided on a walk to get a breath of fresh air.

            "Aww, I'm disappointed that I can't make you do anything.  I guess I just haven't developed my charm to its full potential."

            He shakes his head at my absurd comments as we reach the beginning of the bridge.  I think about all the fond memories it holds and I feel sad that we're not able to come to it as often as we'd like to now that we lived in the city.  The sun is high in the sky and the rain has cleared out of the clouds and nothing is left but the bright sunshine that begins to beat down upon us.  "Hey Jess?"

            "Yeah?"  He throws a sideways glance over my way and I can't seem to form the right words to break our peaceful moment.  Another time, another place.  "Rory, did you want to say something?"  He furrows his brow and I suddenly loose any courage I had ever possessed.

            "Um, I was thinking that…"  I decide to just play along as the laid-back couple we seem to be. "…Maybe we could spend some time just you and me when we get back home.  Is that okay?"

            He smiles and it only creates a pit in my stomach.  "Sure.  I don't know why you'd bother asking."  He chuckles at himself, realizing how deeply he has fallen into the relationship.  He leans back on his palms on the warm wood beneath us and I lay my head down on his chest looking up at the clouds that are slowly making their trek across the sky.  I breathe in deeply the air that I hope will bring me solace, and I'm momentarily comforted.  "Hey…"  Jess looks at me searching my eyes and I try to mask my feelings from him.  I can see him squinting, not from the sun but from slight confusion and I plaster on a bright smile to throw him off.  

            He's still digging in my gaze searching for an answer but before he can get any further I sit up and scoot closer to him while I lean forward.  "I love you Jess."  He's about to return my sentiments but I interrupt him with a kiss that focuses on nothing but us on the bridge, warm with the sunlight.

AN: As always, I'd love to hear from you.


	16. Obstruction

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 16: Obstruction

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing

AN:  I ran into a slight writer's block prior to writing this chapter.  I know where I want to go with the plot; I just didn't know exactly how I wanted to unfold the story.  But anyways, I liked how it turned out.  I apologize for the slight delay in posting. 

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            Jess flips on the light that illuminates most of our modest apartment and drops his duffel on the floor.  He stretches his muscles that have become cramped due to the long bus ride back home while I walk over to the answering machine to check our messages.  Lane called to see how I was doing and Mom called twice to see if we got home yet—typical.  Ever since I was born it was like we were joined at the hip, and yet I wouldn't have it any other way.  I feel Jess's presence come behind me as he wraps his slender arms around my waist.  He takes a deep breath and lets it out, tickling the tender area of the nape of my neck.  I giggle and squirm to face him.  "Hey" I state slightly out of breath but I can't seem to say any more because he's gazing straight into my eyes.

            "Hi" he replies with his usual monotone voice and cracks a slight smile as he descends and proceeds to lean in and kiss me ever so softly on my lips.  I can feel him take a slight breath of air before fitting his mouth over mine again.  This kiss is different; it's warm and gentle yet full of promise of what the future will hold.  I tangle my fingers into his hair as he gently leads me to his bedroom.  Without breaking the intense contact that we have, he has shut the door while beginning to slowly undo the zipper on my sweater.  He's taking his time, enjoying the moment but I'm becoming impatient.  I quickly unzip the jacket myself and he pulls back and retorts with a low chuckle.  "What's the rush?  We have all night, you know?"  His eyes are full of laughter even though he only shows a small hint of a smirk on his lips.

            I'm embarrassed at how easily he caught onto my impatience and I blush while looking away, trying to fix my eyes on anything else but his.  I bite my lower lip and I reconsider my actions but Jess slowly tilts my chin up to look at him with his index finger and lifts an eyebrow.  "But I think it's cute that you can't wait."  

            He doesn't let me reply or become more self-conscious because he's slowly kissing me again with the passionate yet mysterious touch that I long for.  He methodically deepens the kiss and I reach out to gently tug at his tee-shirt.  Jess momentarily breaks our connection and I feel oddly empty, while he takes the opportunity to rid himself of the obtrusive garment.  He leans back down brushing away some of the hair that is softly draped over my shoulders.  His fingers reveal the tender area that he knows drives me crazy.  I let out a small sigh of restlessness and he understands.  He starts to kiss down to my neck and then to my collarbone and I try to gather together my wits to begin to concentrate on the buttons and zipper of his jeans.

            We climb into bed and meet in the middle while enjoying the precious moments that we have alone to ourselves.  He seems to sense that something's wrong with me and he tries to express his emotions with the movements of his body.  Jess doesn't have to utter a word of assurance because he can express so much more with his actions instead of words.

---------------------------------------------

            I roll over and see that the clock reads 1:00 AM and despite the fact that I'm exhausted, I can't seem to fall asleep.  I can hear Jess's soft breathing behind me and I gently fidget out of his arms but he tightens his hold on me instead.  I turn my head and smile tenderly; I love that his automatic response is to protect.  It's one of my favorite aspects of Jess; he isn't the jealous type, but he's very protective of the ones that he loves.  Though he never willingly shows his vaguely possessive side, he can never fool me into thinking that he wouldn't defend me.  I bend down and give him a tender kiss and he lets go of me while rolling onto his other side.

            I try not to make any noise as I close the door behind me and saunter my way into the kitchen.  I reach the closet where I keep my backpack and I attain the letter that I've hidden deep in the security of my thickest binder.  I tuck it into the kangaroo pocket of my sweatshirt and trudge over to the coffee maker, flipping the switch.  I pull out a chair from under the table and sit while contemplating my situation.  I get up to open the shutter to the window that lets in the whir of lights that belong only to the city night life.  After many years of living in a town that is completely dead after eleven o'clock, it's a nice change of pace to see people still up at the local diner grabbing a midnight snack.  The coffee is done and I grab my favorite mug and pour in the thick aroma that serves to calm my nervous energy.  

            Sitting down at the dining table I take a deep breath and reach into my sweatshirt to take out the letter.  I open the well-worn creases and gloss over the print that looks so important and business-like.  I read it over and over again, as if repetition would change my situation.  

            The door creaks and I silently fold the letter back up again hide it in my pocket.  I can tell that Jess is coming up behind me wondering what I'm doing up at such a late hour.  I see his back turned towards me and he grabs the nearest mug while filling it up with his own black coffee.  He turns around and sits across from me, warming his hands on the sides of the cup.  Jess takes a sip and I can tell that he's trying to formulate the right words to say.  "Is everything alright?"

            I plaster on my fake bright smile that would usually fool anybody except for Jess.  "Yeah, I just couldn't sleep."

            He nods slowly and logically but he knows that I'm lying to him.  I can't stand the intensity of his gaze, as if his eyes were digging deep inside of me for the truth.  We both take another sip of our coffee and sit in the silence of the moment.  I'm trying to come up with the words to tell him, and I can feel him becoming frustrated that he can't help me with whatever's bothering me.  Usually Jess doesn't care about other people's problems, but I've noticed that with mine, he just can't seem to give up until he has helped me solve it.  

            Jess reaches across the table and takes a hold of one of my hands and tries desperately to comfort me once again.  "Rory, whatever it is you can tell me."

            "I know; but I'm just not ready right now."  I pray that he'll understand that I need some time to digest this information myself before I can declare it to him.  I'm thankful that he cares enough to want to share in my dilemma, but I don't know if I can let him take on part of my burden just yet.

            He nods once again, acknowledging my response without jumping to anger or false conclusions.  We continue to sit in the dim light of the kitchen while the clock on the wall ticks away the minutes of the late night.  He sips his coffee and tightens his grasp on my hand, not bothering with anymore words.  Silence engulfs us and we're becoming lost in our thoughts.

--------------------------------------------

            The weekend is over and I wake up to find myself in the comfort of Jess's arms.  I don't remember when we wordlessly decided to go back to bed, but I know it was late.  It's Monday today and contrary to his schedule; I have to head to class soon.  I hesitantly get out of bed and I flip on the bright, offensive light in the bathroom to start the morning ritual.  The shower is running hot and I shed my clothing to step into the steamy shower to relax the muscles that have become cramped with fatigue.  

            I quickly run into the kitchen and grab a packet of pop-tarts and leave a quick note for Jess telling him that I love him and that I'd see him later today after my afternoon classes.  I snatch my keys off the little side table and lock the door behind me to start my trek to school.

--------------------------------------------

            It has been a long and weary day especially with the daunting thoughts that ran through my mind all day.  I can't help but think of all the bad consequences and outcomes that might result from my decision.  I sit here on the subway and I'm lost in my thoughts while staring at nothing in particular.  I zip open my backpack and grab the notebook where the letter is always shoved back into.  Coming up empty handed I realize that I didn't take it out of the sweatshirt that I was wearing last night.

            I climb the stairs that lead to the apartment and I suddenly remember an overwhelming factor—I had left the letter in Jess's favorite sweatshirt.  Undoubtedly, he would have picked it up this morning and slipped it on.  I silently pray that he didn't realize what the jacket held as I slip my key into the door, releasing the lock.  

            I fling open the door, quickly scanning the room for Jess's presence.  I see his hunched form sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, looking out the window.  He doesn't look at me as I inaudibly close the door.  I set down my things and I can tell that he's clutching the letter in the grips of his fingers.  

            I gently slide down onto the cold wood floor and tuck my legs into an 'Indian style' and sit next to him.  He turns his head to peer at me and I can't read a single emotion in his eyes.  They're so guarded that I squint with confusion and apology.  He takes my hand into his and brings it to his lips and gently kisses my fingers.  With our fingers interlocked he utters, "I guess this is why you've been closed off, huh?"

            Tears are pushing the borders of my eyes and I bite down on my lip because I can't control the quivering.  I nod once and Jess furrows his brow in consolation.  He pulls me closer to him and whispers, "Don't cry, baby.  You shouldn't cry."

            I clutch his shirt and control the tears that fall from my face but I can't seem to control the sudden rush of uncertainty that looms over my head.  Jess kisses the top of my head and turns to look once again out the window.  I also turn to see what he's looking at and I see that the sky is turning a shade a gray.  Clouds are gathering and a light rain is beginning to soothingly fall from the sky.  Tears have stopped now and we just both look out the window while he draws me close to him, trying to comfort me with silence.

**AN**: I'm sure I've got you guys pretty worked up now about what's really bothering Rory, huh?  Well don't worry, you will know soon enough.  Let me know what you think; as always, it's always great to hear people's responses.


	17. Entrance

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 17: Entrance

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing

AN:  I feel that this story is drawing near to the end of its usefulness.  A conclusion will be up within the next chapter or so and then possibly, an epilogue.  I've got some ideas for other stories that I'm excited to try out, so that's one of the reasons I want to wrap this up.  Besides, I've dropped subtle hints that graduation is nearing, and with this fic I wanted to only pursue their college years as I explain in my summary.  The one thing I can say for sure is that the next one will be from a third person point of view, instead of Rory's as my last two have been.  I like the personal aspect of it, but I can tell that I would have much more room for exploration if the narration shifted away from just one central character.  Anyways, I just wanted you guys to look out for the ending of this story soon.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

_*Move slightly forward in time…* _

            Jess comes up behind me and pitches forward while he stretches his arms out in front of me, leaning upon the window banister.  "Where?"  He whispers softly as if he were afraid to wake up anyone.

            "The third one from the far right."  I point with my finger and smile, full of joy and excitement.

            I can tell that even Jess is smiling and it only serves to widen my grin even more.  Although I won't tell him, it does spark my interest that he would be so involved and concerned through this whole ordeal.  He nudges my head softly and I tilt it to the side so that he can nuzzle into the crook of my neck.  He mumbles something that I can't hear but I don't bother to ask what he just said—I'm just so happy right now that nothing can diminish my feeling of bliss.  Jess begins to leave a trail of soft butterfly kisses along the path of my shoulder to my neck and I giggle faintly at the tickling sensation.  His kisses intensify and I turn around to say, "Jess, not here.  There are literally dozens of virgin eyes looking at us."

            Jess chuckles softly and refrains. "Yeah, I guess these babies have a lifetime ahead of them to be ruined by images that they'll see on TV."

            We turn back around to glance at the many little babies just tucked into their blankets, staring straight back at us with an innocence that is unsurpassed by anything else in the world.  "Isn't he so cute, Jess?"

            "Yeah, he kinda has you and your mom's eyes; good for him, better than getting Luke's eyes."  I laugh and I peer into my newborn baby brother's eyes.  It's true; he got the lucky Gilmore genes of the bright blue eyes.  His lighter brown, almost blonde, hair resembles baby pictures of Luke that we've seen.  I can already tell that Nick is going to be a heartbreaker.  With those killer eyes, and a charming personality that is bound to have been passed down, Nick is going to be smart with a witty personality.  It's pretty amazing to see him and know that he has the world in front of him just waiting for his entrance.

            Tugging on my hand Jess leads me back to Mom's room where she'll probably be begging for coffee already.  After sixteen grueling hours of hearing Mom screaming for caffeine and drugs, it is a nice feeling to actually be able to enter Mom's room without having her curse at the nurses for their lack of coffee for pregnant women.  We enter the dimly lit room to see that Mom's fast asleep with Luke next to her bed rubbing his hand because of the future damage she might have caused while squeezing his hand in pain during labor.  Jess and I take a seat at the foot of the bed just quietly talking amongst ourselves about the long day.

----------------------------------------------

            Two days later and Jess and I are thrown back into the college scramble.  We left Mom and Luke with the promise that we'd be back to see Nick the next weekend.  Mom happily gave us hugs goodbye while sipping a bowl of coffee.  Now that we're back in the apartment, I feel somewhat empty without the entire family; but I do enjoy the silence that lives in our home.  It won't be too long until we both have to get things prepared for graduation. 

            Jess heads on over to the kitchen to order us a large pizza while I take the time to change out of my clothes and into something more comfortable.  Grabbing a pair of sweat pants and my old hoodie, I slip them on thinking about the time that lies ahead of me.  I slide open the closet door and dig into the drawer that I now keep the letter in.  I sink onto the floor with my legs crossed and gently unfold the creases to read it once again.  The emblem and the letterhead stares back at me with such an air of significance.

                        _Miss Lorelai Gilmore: We're pleased to offer you the opportunity to experience the life of a journalist first-hand.  Our scholarship program is presented to only those in the top five percent of their graduating class.  Our journalism program will take you aboard to _London___, __England__ to work as an intern to The __London__ Chronicle.  With the completion of our program, you will be offered many other opportunities to promote your future career as a journalist.  This curriculum will plug you into newspapers, magazines, and other journalism-related businesses all over the world.  This program is a seven month course that will… _

            Seven months…I still can't get over it.  The night that Jess discovered my letter, after the initial shock, he was so proud of me that it made me hurt to think that I would have to leave him for such an extended period of time.  He reassured me that our relationship would be fine and that we could make the long-distance thing work out.  But to me, those are just famous last words.  Long distance relationships don't equal lasting relationships.  I don't doubt Jess's loyalty to me or to our relationship; it is other people's involvement that I worry about.  Jess might adamantly deny it, but I can't ignore the looks that I've seen other very attractive girls give him.  I may have been naïve once when I was younger, but I've seen the world much more now that I'm older and I can't reject the notion that other women wouldn't try to move in just because Jess isn't technically single.  I turn away from the letter because I can't bear to draw out anymore conclusions than I already have; but I can't tear myself away to look at one more line of the letter—_please reply before June 19 to reserve your place in the program… _

            I have less than a month to decide and although Jess feels that it's a great opportunity and that I should not pass it up, I'm still extremely weary in my final decision.  "Rory! Pizza's here."  Jess calls from the living room and I quickly fold up the letter again and replace it back into its home.

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            "You awake?"  Jess shifts to face me and I can barely see the outline of his face through the darkness of the late night.  The bed stirs as I also turn to face him.  I give him a slow nod; however, I don't know whether or not he can actually see me.  His voice is thickly laden with sleep but I love that sound.  It'll also resonate in my head as one of the sexiest sounds I've ever heard.  It was the first thing that I noticed after our first night together and he had woken up to mumble that he loved me.  A small sob threatens to come out as I think about the many wonderful moments like these that I would miss if I were to go to London.  Jess opens his mouth as if to say something, but instead he just leans in to kiss me deeply with the fervor that is unique to only him.  He pulls back just enough to look at me and I close my eyes, pushing aside the thoughts that I cannot seem to escape lately.  I want nothing more but to concentrate on the emotions of love that Jess is drawing out of me right now.

            "Jess, promise me that nothing will change."  I feel childish and irrational but I don't want to return into the waiting arms of anyone but him.

            Silence spins around us swallowing us up the blur of the ticking clock.  He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a soft sigh while whispering, "So I guess this means you're going, huh?"

            I don't want to answer him because that would make it official—with me verbally acknowledging my departure.  "Just promise."

            Jess doesn't utter another word, but he promises me with his actions.  Making love to Jess tonight was the one thing that finally cut the strings from childhood to maturity.  I couldn't describe it in words even if I tried how cherished and treasured I feel now as I lay in his comforting arms.  He knows that I have to go because it's my calling; and he even promised me a long time ago in that infamous car ride that I would be able to become that esteemed reporter that I've always wanted to be.  Jess is never one to break promises and with this one last pledge, I know that no matter how hard I try, I cannot predict the future.  I don't know what will happen when I'm gone or when I come back, and even in Jess's arms right now, I can't seem to formulate whether or not he'll be able to keep this promise.

AN: Drop me a line—Thanks for taking the time to read, I really appreciate it.


	18. Solo

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 18: Solo

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing

AN:  This is the last chapter.  An epilogue will appear soon enough.  Words cannot convey how glad I am that you would stick with me for this long.  It has been a journey especially for me—this being my first multi-chaptered story.  **Thank you.**

Side Note: For the **reviewer** that left me a message that said that they noticed the parallels in last chapter's line (_…the one thing that finally cut the strings from childhood to maturity…_) compared to emrie's To Fabricate Unknowness, I must say that you are one devoted reader.  To actually notice my underlining secret dedication to emrie is beyond awesome.  I'm really impressed that you would actually notice.

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            I slowly unbutton the collar shirt that he wears, taking the buttons one at a time.  We stand at the foot of the bed, both just staring at my fingers nimbly making their way down the plain navy shirt.  I'm on the third button and he leans forward to gently place a kiss on my forehead.  I stop my quest for just a minute, relaxing and enjoying the sensation of his lips on my skin.  He pulls back and continues to stare down at my hands that lie flat on his chest now.  I gather my wits and continue my journey.  I'm at the last button and the shirt parts in two, revealing the vast expanse of skin that is his chest.  He lets his arms down to his side so that the shirt may fall gently off his shoulders.  I lean forward and just tuck my head underneath his chin, just relishing in the soft scent of his cologne.  He swallows and I can feel it as it passes down his throat; I kiss his Adam's apple and he takes a deep breath as if to calm his nerves.  I pull back and lift my head to look at him straight in his eyes for first time since I started unbuttoning his shirt.  "Jess…"  I don't know what else to say.  There are no words.

            He smiles softly at me; it is devoid of the usual teasing or flirtatious smirk.  It's only a true and genuine smile that he rarely lets anybody else see.  Jess reaches out and uses one hand to tuck my hair behind my ear while he kisses me tenderly on my cheek.  It burns and I'm sure that it shines a scarlet hue.  I raise my arms and he takes his time, gingerly fingering the fabric of my shirt while he leisurely lifts it up and over my head one inch at a time.  The shirt falls to the ground, discarded and forgotten while Jess unhurriedly runs the palms of his hands up my arms to the base of my neck.  He cups the conjunction of my neck and slants his lips tenderly over mine.  It's the first kiss of the night and it is without the frenzy scramble of infatuation.  He takes his time exploring my mouth while I hold onto his shoulders memorizing every movement of his lips.  Jess traces the curves of my mouth and nips at my swollen bottom lip.  I gradually release his lips to take a deep breath in and he makes a small sound of protest.  I smile up at him and the dim light of the city casts a soft light on his face, making the angular contrasts of his jaw bone even more apparent.  My hands wander down to the zipper of his jeans, and his fingers hold me affectionately at the curve of my hip bones.  He takes a hold of my hand and leads me to his bed.  Jess tugs me close to him and we lay down enjoying the moment together.

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            I sigh and slide up the window shield, looking out at the infinite darkness that surrounds me.  The tiny light above me illuminates the soft pages in my hands.  I lift them up to read them again and my heart sinks at the carefully penned words.

                        _Rory: Life is full of challenging surprises, isn't it?  We both know that this time apart will bring you one step closer to your goal.  I want you to explore and find yourself because now there will be no one blocking your way—not family, not school, and not even me.  Nothing brings more pain than to look back and regret decisions in your life, as cliché as that sounds, you should be able to leave your life knowing that you could not have done anything differently to make yourself happier.  I don't want to you worry about the outcome; I want you to enjoy yourself.  It's your time to test the winds and fly because you can never find your passion if you don't do it alone.  You have always been surrounded by people who love you enough to want to make your decisions for you; but now you need to go and do it yourself.  However for me, after years of being on my own, I find solace in the knowledge that you want to be right next to me, encouraging me with your words.  I cannot tell you here with these words how much I thank God every morning for letting me into your life when I see your face besides me.   I know you worry about us but I know that words cannot comfort you the way that you would like.  Actions speak volumes and after all those years of waiting for you, I know that a couple of months won't make me change my mind.  Go and show that you're ready to take on the world, and then come back knowing that I'll be right beside you when you actually do it…_

            My tears have blotted the corner of the letter and I put it back down on my lap because I can't finish it without breaking into sobs.  I had never seen Jess express himself in such a way that makes me want to cry such tears.  I neatly fold up the rest of the pages of the familiar slanted scrawl and I tuck it back into the envelope and I hold onto it.  I'm holding onto the promise that he makes me.  All doubts of his loyalty have flown out this window and it has tumbled behind the plane as I travel across the big pond bringing me to destinations unknown.

            I close my eyes wishing for the comfort of slumber.  I drift away while thinking about the last moments I spent with Jess when he held me and whispered the words that no one else has told me.  He declared his guarantee for the future and most importantly—his dedication of love.

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            The phone rings and I scramble to find it in the mess of the tiny loft.  I spy it in the bottom of the couch and I duck to find it before the caller hangs up.  I grab the handset and wish that it might be that one particular someone…"Hello?"

            "Hey Baby."  Jess's warm voice travels the thousands of miles that separate us and it immediately brings a smile to my face as I sink to the couch in order to get comfy.  

            "I was hoping that it'd be you."

            "Well, good.  It's nice to know that you remember me."  He chuckles and I can envision the corners of his mouth tugging with a smirk.  It makes it weak not being able to feel him besides me.  It's the only downfall to our phone calls—it makes me yearn for his touch and it floods me with memories of us being together.

            I ignore his teasing and I ask, "How are you?"

            "Not bad, hectic day at work though.  Jim assigned me to a cover story and I'm running all over the city doing interviews and research."  His false grumbling about work doesn't fool me.  Even though I can't see his face, I know that he's proud to be able to write the leading story for the magazine.  He's one of the youngest writers and the newest on staff, and yet his talent has brought him up another step on the corporate ladder.  

            I murmur my sentiments to him.  "I'm proud of you."

            "Anyways, Lorelai called yesterday."  He sidestepped my praise, bushing the comment aside, but he knows that I'm proud of him for being so successful.  It's a typical Jess-response but I know that he understands.

            "Yeah?  What did she say?"  I haven't talked to Mom for a couple of days.  The last time we talked, she told me that she thought that Nick said 'coffee,' but Luke adamantly denies it.  She misses me but she's also very happy raising her family.  Ironically enough, I don't feel left out like I had predicted.  I realize that Mom still loves me and that I hold an extremely special place in her heart that no one else can fill, but I also understand that she has aspects of her life now that can't always include me.  I've also discovered that I no longer lean on Mom like I used to.  She was my sole confident, friend, and guide post that I leaned on for so many years; but now I find that she isn't the only one.  In fact, I would be inclined to say that Jess is slowly taking her place.  My relationship with Mom is unsurpassed but the one I share with Jess is much more far-reaching now.

            "She still says that Nick said coffee, but you know how she gets sometimes.  Luke just called to see how I was doing and to say that they miss you.  You know it's hard for them to call you a lot, with the time difference and all.  I guess Nick is being real fussy these days; apparently he likes to only cry at night."  His chuckle vibrates through the handset and I giggle with him at the thought of Luke going out of his mind trying to calm down Nick.  The laughter subsides and I think about how I want to be able to do that one day—have a family of my own.  I seem to be thinking about it more often these days.  Maybe it's because I'm lonely or because I'm growing up and seeing my life differently.

            I suddenly miss Jess more than was ever prepared for.  I sigh as the tears gather and puddle on the corners of my eyes and I whisper so softly that I don't know whether or not Jess can hear me.  "I miss you."

            The line falls silent and I'm about to brush aside my moment of weakness as I graze my cheeks with my fingertips but instead Jess speaks up.  "I miss you too."  His voice is thick as if he just woke up from a deep slumber and it comforts me knowing that he feels the same way.  

Again, I'm met with silence and I don't want to break it.  I can almost see Jess sitting on his bed or the floor, looking out the window trying to break the boundary of space that divides us.  I imagine his face—solemn, pensive, and deeply brooding with thought.

"I love you Rory."

"I know."  I want to tell him that I love him back but I just can't.  It would only serve to tear at another piece of my heart.  None of our dozens of phone calls ever felt so hard.  They usually consisted of small talk that discussed our day, but tonight I can identify that we're both feeling particularly lonely.  It has been a little over four months now; I'm about half way through the program and my talks with Jess has always light.  It was as if we were both afraid to verbally admit what we really felt because it hurt us both too much to think about it.  But now that it's about the half-way marker, we can both confess that we're feeling the affects of our distance.

"Um, Ror…listen, it's getting kinda late here.  I need to get some sleep before I head off to work.  I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Talk to you then."  The line clicks off but I know the real reason to why he left.  He's afraid that I'll know that he's feeling empty without me.  I know that Jess doesn't want me to realize that he's not always as strong as he leads on to be.  He wants so much to be the strong one for the both of us, but he can't deceive me.  Jess can't fool me for a second; I know exactly how he feels and whether he knows that or not, I'm glad that he can at least try to be the stronger one.  I know that I'd be a mess if it wasn't for his many comforting and encouraging words.

I move the phone away from my ear and I stare at the face, not wanting to push the off button.  I don't want to sever the connection with Jess.  With a heavy and shaky breath, I close my eyes and push the knob, turning it off.

I stand up and stretch the muscles that have become cramped within the last hour.  I pad over to the light switch and turn the lights off in the living room and I make my way to the bed room.  The door creaks with invitation and I see my bed—it's unmade, just like Jess's bed, and it looks so cold.  I slip on a pair of old boxers and Jess's old band shirt.  I lift up the material to my nose, sniffing it to bring back memories of him.  It's beginning to fade but unlike the shirt, Jess is still vividly living in my dreams.  I sit on the bed and set the alarm early so that I may take a shower tomorrow morning.  A breeze creates a swirl of air that comforts me in this silence.  I turn off the light and lay down while pulling the comforter around me.  I turn to glance out the window.  

AN: That's it.  An epilogue will be up as soon as possible as I mentioned earlier.

        I'm so sorry for the last couple of paragraphs and their lack of 'tabs.' I tried to fix it for the last couple of days, and I've put off uploading this chapter, but in the end it doesn't look like I could fix it.  I looked it over and it didn't seem all that confusing to read, and plus I wanted to get the ending out. Again, I'm sorry.


	19. Epilogue Solace

**Is There More?**

Author: Knowhere

Chapter 19: Epilogue—Solace

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: Nothing

**AN**:  I guess I really don't have the words for this last author's note, so I'll let it be brief with a simple 'thank you.'  

Summary: AU. College life is a journey of ups and downs; are Rory and Jess ready to take on what life is about to throw at them including a prospect of a new relationship, or will they choose the path of friendship like they did years ago? Literati.

            The rain is now falling heavily—soaking the earth and drenching its inhabitants.  I look around at the people rushing with their umbrellas trying to beat the rain.  I inwardly laugh at those people because they act as if the rain would hurt them.  Why don't they stop to enjoy the rain?  Stop to enjoy the feeling of being cleansed and renewed?  I glance up and see nothing but gray; there is no sun but there is also warmth that is unique only to the rain.  I lift up my hands and remove the hood that I wear.  The water attacks my hair and it mats to my shoulders, but I just tuck the excess strands behind my ears.  I continue my slow walk around the city.  Nothing can compare to this feeling.  It's odd to think that I always equate rain with comfort.  Maybe it's because the rain holds so many memories for me.  I used to stay in my bed looking out the window, listening to the natural music.  I remember that whenever it rained, I would also go the diner and find him.  He would pour us a cup of coffee that we would share and he always pulled out a book and read to me even after the diner closed.  We would sit in the corner booth, huddled on one side, with me listening to his voice—that soothing and calming sound that is even better than the rain.  I also recall that later, I would crawl into his bed when it rained.  Even though at that time we were strictly just friends, I would find comfort in his warm arms on rainy nights.  

I'm still walking aimlessly around and I turn the corner, letting my feet take control.  They take me straight to a cozy diner that I've never seen before and I push open the door, taking a seat in a corner booth.  I order a cup of coffee and I just sit and warm my hands on the side of the cup.  He used to do that a lot; he liked the warm feeling of the cup against his palms.  The water is subtly drying off my body now and I feel empty without the rain.  It's still falling steadily and I can see right out the window that the gray sky has now turned black.  My coffee is empty now and I leave the money and tip on the table, wanting no one to disturb my train of thought.  I open the door once again releasing me into the rain and I'm happy for this silent companion. 

The city comes alive with lights and the rain doesn't stop the flow of life.  I shove my hands into my pockets and my arms bend in angular forms as I maintain my pace.  I pass the park and I go to sit on one of the benches.  The wood is certainly soaked but I don't care enough to even move.  I found him on a bench once.  His back was turned to me and he was reading a book, and I just timidly walked up to him and said hi.  There was no turning back after that.  We came back years later for a date; it recreated that one day we spent together in the city.  I slouch on the bench and see that the pigeons are scrambling for shelter; they take flight to escape the rain.  

The memories are too much and I abandon my bench.  I keep walking and I'm suddenly aware that I am really tired.  Turning at the corner once again, I take the path on the left and I end up in front of the building.  I push open the door and silently head to the elevator.  After all those years of climbing stairs, I'm grateful for the elevator.  He used to hate those stairs.  The lift dings at floor nine and I step out and turn right.  I take out my key and slip it into the lock, freeing the apartment.  It's dark inside except for the tiny red light on the coffee maker that promises life in the morning. Softly shutting the door behind me I register that it's ten o'clock and I prepare to get ready for bed.

I slip into underneath the covers and the bed shifts beneath me.  I climb in and lay down on the left side of the bed.  The comforter is warm to my skin and I'm thankful for the relief that it brings.  I can still hear the rain falling outside and I hope that it will continue into the morning.  There's still so much more I want to remember with my companion.  

The bed shifts once again, radiating from the right side but my back is turned.  Arms reach around my waist and they find their destination as they lock and pull me close.  I sigh and smile at the response.  Fingers stretch to brush aside my hair at the nape of my neck and a kiss replaces their resting place.  "I missed you."

"Yeah."  

"Where did you go?"

"I went out for a walk."  My answer is simple yet vague in its completion.  But no further answer is required because it's understood that I need to remember in the rain.  I still continue to think of him even though I'm no longer in contact with the rain.  I bring up my left hand and twist around the elegant ring that resides on my finger.  I come to a final resolution.  I no longer need the rain to remind me of memories of us—I can do that all on my own.  He was right; I tested the winds and I flew with the conviction of success.  I'm ready to show the world what I'm made of; I'm ready to say that I am not scared of the unknown that lies ahead of me.  "I love you Jess."

"I know."  He tightens his hold on me and he forms his body to perfectly compliment mine from behind.

In the end, he was right once again.  Months didn't make him change his mind.  He's right by my side as I'm finally prepared to take on the world.  And yet here in the falling rain, I still can find the solace that I searched for all my life, right here in his warm arms.

            —End—

AN: Well, there is no more. I know I didn't leave things extremely concrete, but personally I like being able to leave some things up the reader.  On that note, please understand my reasoning and that there will be no sequel.  I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.  I've got some ideas floating around in my head; and when I finally make my decision I would be extremely grateful if you would look out for it.  **Thank you.**


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